


Embrace the Butterflies: Relationship Advice From Dean Winchester

by impatient14



Series: The Butterfly Series [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas and Dean are switch hitters, Comedy, Doctor!Castiel, F/F, Firefighter!Dean, Fluff, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Some angst, Supporting Character Death, gabriel hijinx, graphic but not gruesome depictions of injuries/medical trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2018-10-18 01:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impatient14/pseuds/impatient14
Summary: Four Months after Gabriel refused to fuck Dean with five dildos, we find Castiel and Dean happily committed to one another. Dean is thrilled to be able to finally call Castiel his boyfriend, but he is worried about messing things up between them. Are things going too fast? Not fast enough? When should he tell him he loves him? Should they move in together? How many times a night can they have sex before one of their legs falls asleep? These are the important questions Dean has to ask himself as he treks through the beginning stages of his relationship with his best friend- and dodges the landmines that his job places between them.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> As promised, the second story in The Butterfly Series. Updates should be weekly to bi-monthly. I'm going to see about getting my beta back, but this chapter is un-beta'd. All mistakes are my own! Your comments keep me motivated!

“Come on, Cas,” Dean panted. “Just do it already.”

Castiel let out a soft groan and shifted slightly, his body damp with sweat.

“I’m trying. I just- here, move a little to the- _there_. That’s ... _oh_. Yes, that’s perfect,” Castiel hummed with satisfaction, the vibration of his deep voice sending a chill down Dean’s spine. 

“Are you sure?” Dean asked breathlessly. “I could-”

“No,” Castiel replied quickly. “Don’t move.”

 _Pound. Pound. Pound._

“Cas?” Dean asked, his voice strained, his back aching from the odd positioning. “I can’t tell if-”

“Just give me a second....I’m almost...there...” 

_Pound. Pound. Pound._

“Ah!” Castiel exclaimed, triumphant. “There! All finished.” He patted Dean’s back. “It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Dean straightened up and let his hands fall away from their place against the wall. He let them fall to his sides, and then wiggled them some to get the blood flowing again.

“No, not bad. A little uncomfortable, but not bad. I did say I would help you out.”

Castiel nodded as he smiled back at him. “Yes you did. And now I owe you one.” His smile twisted into something coy and sexy as he pulled Dean closer.

“I’m liking the sound of that,” Dean responded. He reached out for Castiel and wrapped his arms around his waist. “I don’t have any pictures that need hanging, though.”

Castiel smirked back at him, mimicking Dean’s position as he wound his arms around his boyfriend. “I’m sure you’ll find something.”

Laughing softly, Dean leaned in and pressed their lips together, kissing the doctor softly and parting his lips with a quick swipe of his tongue. They kissed in the middle of Castiel’s living room for several moments, just enjoying a brief make-out session before Dean’s shift at the station. 

Dean had started back full-time almost four months ago, but today’s shift was the first Dean was going to be allowed back into his role as Captain. Bobby wanted to ease him back into work, where as Dean just wanted to get back out there as soon as possible. Kevin was ranking Captain when Dean was gone and he did a good job, but Dean was anxious to be back in charge. It wasn’t as if Kevin didn’t know what he was doing, it was just that Dean already felt responsible for everyone in his company and he didn’t like the idea of not actually being the one to call the shots. He had been out on several calls since he returned, but Dean hadn’t really felt like he was truly back to work. He wanted back in the driver’s seat, so to speak. The driving was actually Ash’s job. 

Castiel had done well so far with Dean going back to work, but today was a big deal for the doctor and his nerves regarding Dean’s profession. Regaining his label as company captain meant Dean would be the one making on-call decisions, which meant that Dean would have to be on the most dangerous calls. They didn’t happen all that often, but when a major fire or traffic accident occurred, the company captain was always required to be in attendance. As the chief, Bobby rarely went out on calls anymore, but he would sometimes show up at the big ones too. “All hands on deck” was the phrase. Castiel hated when Dean said that. It usually accompanied an apology and a quick kiss, before Dean was out the door and running towards danger.

Dean continued to kiss Castiel until they were both breathless and obviously wanting more in the moment. Unfortunately, they really didn’t have time for more. The firefighter pulled away from Castiel slowly, gently pecking his lips a few more times as he did.

“I’ve got to run,” Dean explained. “Are you still coming for dinner tonight?”

“Yes,” Castiel nodded and allowed Dean to untangle himself from his arms. “I’ve got an early surgery though, so I won’t be able to stay.”  
Dean pouted in a way he knew would make Castiel laugh.

“That’s not going to work,” Castiel grinned, shaking his head in amused refusal. Dean pulled his lips even further down, furrowing his brow as well, putting on his best puppy dog impression. “Dean,” Castiel groaned, still smiling “Your apartment is an extra twenty minutes to the hospital. I have to be up at four-thirty as it is.”

Dean rolled his eyes and let his pouting expression pull into one of acceptance. “Fine,” Dean replied, “Be that way.” He picked up his keys from the coffee table and put them in his pocket. “Come, eat my food, then leave me all alone,” Dean started walking towards the front door but turned back abruptly, pointing at the doctor with a superficially stern expression on his face. “But don’t expect me to put out. I’m not that kind of girl.”

Castiel looked like he had to try very hard not to laugh, his lips pulling into a smile despite himself. He shrugged and placed his hands in his pockets. “We’ll see,” He crooned, now smirking back at his boyfriend. “See you later, Dean.”

Dean dropped the act and smiled back him. “Later, Cas.”

 

****

Sometimes when Dean was on a call, he would flip a switch in his brain. Buried deep within his supramarginal gyrus where his brain processed empathy, the switch enabled Dean to do his job more effectively. He never turned it off completely, but dimmed it, like the lights in a movie theatre. When he turned down that switch, Dean was relieved of feeling the things that had the potential to paralyze him on the job. Assisting a birth on the side of the road? Textbook. The smell of burning flesh? Unpleasant sensory experience. Car accident victims screaming in agony? Noise pollution. However, there were some days when Dean couldn’t dim the switch no matter how hard he tried. He’d be on a scene and something would trigger him to search for that switch and it wouldn’t even be there. What he was seeing would be too hard to push through, too terrible to pretend he wasn’t affected by the sight of it.

The traffic accident Dean was called to that day started like any other. He rode in the truck next to Ash, rolling his eyes as Ash sang Sweet Caroline at the top of his lungs over the roar of the engine and the squeal of the siren. It was almost a good luck charm at that point, Ash always sang Sweet Caroline on his way to traffic accidents. He said it helped him focus and despite how inappropriate it seemed to sing such an uplifting song on the way to a major car crash, Dean had learned to appreciate the man’s voice. Then there was Kevin, riding behind Dean in one of the back seats with Donna and the new kid (Dean still had trouble remembering his name). Kevin had a routine of his own. He’d translate Sweet Caroline into Vietnamese while drumming the beat on the back of Dean’s seat. Dean almost had that version memorized and found himself humming along more times than not.

As Ash pulled around the line of cars that had already backed up along the highway, his chorus swelled and then suddenly died. Dean didn’t have to ask why the lyrics had died on this tongue. 

There was a small grey car lying upside down in the middle of the highway, glass shards scattered everywhere and reflecting the sun. A large black truck with the front completely destroyed was close by, the windshield shattered and the driver laying several hundred feet in front of it, motionless. A third car stood just beyond the grey one, the back of it crunched in and completely obscuring what kind of car it was. It was blue, but the only color Dean could make out was red. Red covering the highway around the motionless driver. Red cascading down flailing limbs that reach out for help from under the upturned car. Red from the lights of his own truck, blinding him as he forgot how to breathe. Ash pulled the truck up to the scene expertly just as Dean began to pull himself out of the truck, his mind scrolling through protocols and wondering when the first ambulance would arrive.

In moments like those, with the world pushing in from every side, Dean always searched for that switch and dimmed it as low as he could without turning off his emotions altogether. It would leave him feeling robotic, a mechanical instrument that existed solely to save lives and keep his company safe. But that day, as Dean reached for that switch, his eyes landed on something that refused to allow him to push it all away.

A little girl- no, a teenager, maybe fifteen years old. Dean thought she looked a lot like Anna Kendrick, Claire’s new favorite actress. Her long brown hair clung to her face as she pulled herself from the back seat of the grey car, one bloody hand clawing at the asphalt, her right arm pulling her forward. The left arm was almost completely severed and dragging beside her. 

Even without his switch dimmed down the way he liked it to be, Dean sprung into action. He could hear Donna pounding behind him with the medical equipment as he raced for the girl. His eyes picked up points of interest across the scene as he went. 

He could see that the driver of the black truck was a man, approximately fifty years old by the color of what remained of his hair. He was around two hundred pounds and wearing a blue and red plaid shirt. Half the contents of his skull lay bare on the asphalt. He wouldn’t waste time in evaluating his injuries. There was a woman leaning against the blue car up front, a cell phone in her hand as she used the car for support. Dean hadn’t noticed her before. She must have exited her car sometime between when he assessed the crawling girl and the dead truck driver.

Dean motioned towards the standing woman, who he could now see was in her mid thirties, and at least five months pregnant. She was also crying. He directed Kevin and Ash towards her, just as an ambulance pulled up. He focused on reaching the young woman crawling from the grey car. 

“Stop!” Dean cried. “Don’t move, sweetheart. Stay still.” Dean dropped to his knees beside the teen; Donna hot on his heels as she moved to the girl’s other side. 

“Hey darling, stay still will you?” Donna asked carefully, her voice strained with the sight of the teen’s disheveled arm. Donna immediately began triaging the wound, pulling items out of her bag as Dean assessed other injuries and looked into the backseat for another victim. There wasn’t one, but there were two bodies in the front, neither of them moving. 

The girl cried out as Donna gave her an injection to help with the pain. She had a large gash on her forehead that extended down towards her nose. Her pupils were blown wide, obvious sign of head trauma. She screamed in pain when Donna began to wrap her arm for hospital transfer, tears running down her face.

“My mom, my- AH! my dad. Please- please help- are they- are they- FUCK!”

Dean cringed at the girl’s reaction, but pushed through the moment to look back to the bodies in front. Paramedics were running towards him, the girl would be moved soon. 

“Donna, you got her? Probable contusion, and-” Dean carefully lifted the girls shirt slightly so he could place his bare hand on the skin of her abdomen. “Skins too hot. Internal bleeding likely. I’m going to go around.”

“I got her. Go,” Donna replied. Dean heard her updating the incoming paramedics as he moved quickly to the other side of the car. 

Upon reaching the passenger side car door, he pulled it open carefully. The man in the passenger seat had his head leaned up against the window, his body slumped into the door. He wasn’t wearing a seat-belt. Dean reached for the man’s shoulder to steady him as he opened the door, supporting his weight as he assessed his injuries. There was a large and bleeding wound on the man’s skull and his back was angled strangely. The man had no pulse, but Dean knew there was no point in calling for a defibrillator. A quick look to the roof of the car where the door met the windshield gave Dean all the evidence he needed to figure out the man’s prognosis. The blood spatter he found there suggested the man had slammed his head into the hard plastic between the car door and windshield, and then was thrown backwards. The strange angle of his back suggested it was broken and the head wound was undoubtedly fatal. The man had likely died immediately upon impact. Dean stood up and began to run around to the other side of the car just as a paramedic opened the driver’s side door and began to help the woman that hung there. 

“Weak pulse,” The paramedic exclaimed loudly. “Devon, get a stretcher!” The paramedic cut the seatbelt the driver was wearing and gingerly guided her body downwards before she began checking the woman’s vitals. With the driver in good hands, Dean informed the paramedic that the man was DOA and stood back up to survey the scene again. The pregnant woman was being rolled into an ambulance on a stretcher, a paramedic holding her hand and nodding encouragingly. There was a body bag being rolled out next to the old man laying on the pavement and the two paramedics helping the driver were beginning to carefully remove her from the car. Donna was still with the teenager, kneeling beside her as she ticked off vitals for the paramedic that was taking over. Dean rounded the car to find the teen staring up at the exchange between Donna and the paramedic with an oddly calm look on her face.

“Will I lose my arm?” The girl asked slowly, very little emotion in her voice. It was likely she was in shock. “Are my...parents...?”

“Don’t worry about that right now, sweetheart,” Donna responded. “Just concentrate on your breathing.”

“Isn’t that your job?” She responded with what looked like could have been an eye-roll. Dean’s lips twitched as he moved closer and leaned down next to the girl. She cringed in pain as the paramedic began to prepare to transfer her to the stretcher. “Dying really sucks.”

“Dying people don’t typically have the wherewithal to claim that it “sucks,” Dean responded, hoping to distract the girl from her pain as they began to move her.

The girl closed her eyes and shook what she could of her head, as her neck was braced. “Not true. I bet...cancer patients... say it all the.... time.”

Dean smiled and nodded his agreement. “Well, you got me there.” He placed his hand on the girl’s good arm as they raised the stretcher to begin rolling it towards the ambulance. “You’re not dying though, kid. You lost a lot of blood but your vitals are pretty good.”

“Not a kid,” The girl mumbled. Her eyes began to roll backwards.

“No? What’s your name then?” Dean asked. He helped the paramedics wheel her into the ambulance.

“Alex,” She responded softly before her eyes fluttered shut. “...Jones. Alex...Jones.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic now has a beta! Thank you [wickedrai](http://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedrai)! You are an absolute peach! :)

Dean took several deep breaths. _In and out. In and out. In and out._ There was no danger here. No one was calling out to him. Counting on him. There was no one to save. He could relax. He could breathe. 

He could cut. 

The knife he held in his hand shook minutely, but Dean gripped it harder and began to chop. Asparagus, freshly blanched and ready to accompany the rest of the rabbit food he had prepared for dinner that night. They had a deal, he and Cas; Dean would make at least one salad a week and Cas wouldn’t nag him about how many french-fries he stuffed in his face. Tonight, the salad consisted of the newly chopped asparagus, fingerling potatoes, and an assortment of chopped vegetables that Dean had learned was standard salad fare. He made the dressing himself from a recipe he found in one of Cas’ food magazines. It was mustard based and Dean was loathed to admit how much he liked it. 

The timer for the potatoes dinged and Dean nearly jumped out of his skin, all his senses suddenly on high alert. It felt like his skin was on fire, his pulse pounded in his ears. Dean closed his eyes and tried to breathe. Sirens. Red lights. Victims crying- _No_. Dean wasn’t going to do this. He wasn’t at work. He was at home. His job was done for today. Dean knew it would take time to get back into the swing of things, but he couldn’t help but feel more than a little off-balanced by how much the accident had affected him. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen similar scenes in his past. Dean had been witness to all sorts of horrible things before.

Alex, the girl who heroically pulled herself from the car where her father died and her mother clung to life, had had something in her eyes that Dean couldn’t shake, though. She was strong, that was for sure, and Dean admired that. 

He stopped by the hospital after his shift to check in on her and the others and found the girl sleeping. He learned that the pregnant woman was being held overnight for observation, but that she and the baby she carried seemed to be in good health. Alex’s mother had not been so lucky. Celia Jones died on the operating table while she underwent surgery for abdominal bleeding. The nurse on duty, someone Dean hadn’t met before, told him Alex didn’t know both of her parents were dead yet. She hadn’t regained consciousness since the accident.

Dean allowed himself to wonder if Alex had awoken yet; if someone had told her yet. Being quite the masochist, Dean imagined what that moment would look like. A faceless nurse hovering over the teenage girl, reaching for her hand before telling Alex her parents were dead. Alex, still doped up and barely conscious, wouldn’t understand at first and the nurse would have to repeat themselves. There would be a dead look in the girl’s eyes when her brain finally comprehends. It was the far-away look that accompanied the grieving, right before the breakdown.

A tear pushed its way through Dean’s closed lids just as his doorbell rang. He jumped again, but this time it was more out of guilt and shame. He shouldn’t be allowing himself to wallow this way. Dean was a professional. He may be out of practice, but he wasn’t this guy. He felt for the victims he saved or couldn’t save, but he didn’t bring his work home with him. It was a rookie mistake and Dean really needed to get his shit together. 

“Yeah,” Dean bellowed as he shook his head and roughly wiped at his face. “Hold on a sec.” He turned to the oven and turned it off, pulling out the potatoes and nodding in satisfaction. It wasn’t steak, but it would do. He placed the pan on the stove and tried wiping his face of all the emotion he had just been knee-deep in. Dean didn’t want Castiel to see him like this. It would only give the doctor more ammunition against Dean’s job. 

Walking swiftly towards the door, Dean plastered on a winning smile and opened the door. Cas was looking down at his phone at first, but his head popped up at the sound of the door opening and gave Dean a pleased smile. 

“Hey babe,” Dean said, stepping back to let Castiel inside. Castiel leaned in to peck the firefighter’s lips as he passed him, but stopped when he got a good look at Dean’s face. Dean smiled wider. “Dinner’s almost ready. Just gotta put everything-“

“What’s wrong?” Castiel interrupted, his brow furrowed.

“What?” Dean asked, feeling off balance yet again. 

“What’s wrong?” Castiel repeated. His voice was coated with concern. “You look…something’s wrong. What is it?”

“Nothing,” Dean replied quickly. Too quickly. “I- What?” 

Castiel crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows, apparently willing to wait him out. The firefighter hadn’t even shut the door yet and Castiel already had him pegged. Damn that man. 

Dean knew he should talk about his day, that’s what partners were for. Dean was supposed to relay his stress and emotional traumas to his boyfriend. That’s what relationships were about. One person complained about their job, the other commiserated and then the roles reversed. But Dean knew how Castiel felt about his job and was afraid to open up a dialogue about it, especially if that dialogue was about the negative aspects of being a firefighter. 

Dean placed both his hands on Castiel’s arms and gently moved him to the side so he could close the door. 

“It’s nothing, Cas,” Dean finally said once the door was shut and he was pointedly ignoring Castiel’s piercing stare. He headed back to the kitchen. “Just a long day at work. Getting back into the swing of things. You know?”

“Did something happen?” Castiel asked as he followed Dean. The doctor pulled plates from the cabinet and filled two glasses with water.

“Well, yeah. I mean, something always _happens,_ ” Dean replied smartly. He put all the salad ingredients into a large bowl and began to toss it all together. 

“And today?” Castiel pressed. “What was it today?”

Dean sighed and placed the spoon and fork he was using to toss the salad on the counter. 

“It was just a hard day Cas.” He turned to the doctor, who placed both water glasses on the counter and faced Dean head on. “To be honest, I don’t really want to talk about it. That okay?” Dean asked earnestly, gently. He didn’t want to rock the boat here, not when things were going so well between them.

Castiel studied him for a moment, his posture tense and full of unspoken concern, but then his shoulders sagged a little and he nodded. 

“Of course,” He smiled ruefully. “I don’t always like to talk about bad days at the hospital either. “ He stepped closer and placed his forearms on Dean’s shoulders. “I just hope you know you can talk to me. When you want.”

At that, Dean smiled and placed his hands on Castiel’s hips, drawing him closer. “Thanks, Cas. I know that.”

They smiled at each other for a long moment, eyes locked and shining. Sometimes Dean liked to just stare at the doctor. Usually it was when Castiel didn’t know he was being stared at, like when he was sleeping or reading his medical journals, but other times it was when Castiel would meet his gaze. 

And then they were falling. 

Falling into each other, falling more desperately in love. Of course, neither of them had actually used the L word yet. It was kind of becoming a thing in Dean’s mind. Wanting to say it, _needing_ to say it, and then not saying it. The reasons for his cowardice were bountiful. None of which he wanted to think about while Castiel was slowly leaning forward and pressing his lips gently to his. 

The kiss was charged. Butterflies ignited in Dean’s stomach and pushed their way into every nerve ending in his body. Their lips moved slowly, carefully, opening to allow the gentle swipe of tongue. It was the kind of kiss that made Dean more nervous than aroused because it was the kind of kiss that reminded him of how much he truly cared for the man in his arms. It was the kind of kiss that could build into something hot and needy or taper off into something sweet. As much as Dean loved having sex with Castiel, the ones that tapered off sometimes meant more than the ones that ended with one of them bent over the kitchen table. The sweet kisses were the ones that meant they were really doing this. A relationship. The real thing. 

Dean shivered when Castiel stroked the back of his neck with his thumb. The doctor pulled away after a few more moments of slow, sweet kisses.

“Dinner?” Castiel had a dazed look to his eyes. It was an expression Dean was sure he reflected. 

Despite the gentle swoop Dean’s stomach gave at the moment they had just shared, he nodded and pulled himself free of Castiel’s grasp. “Yep, all ready. Just need to add the dressing.”

“Looks delicious,” Castiel responded. His hand went to Dean’s lower back as the firefighter tossed the salad a few more times, this time adding the dressing he had made.

“And nutritious,” Dean added with a corny smile. Castiel wrapped his hands around Dean’ s waist and put his chin on the firefighter’s shoulders.

“Thank you,” He whispered, before placing a kiss to Dean’s cheek. Dean could feel the blood rushing to his face as his smile grew into something entirely genuine. It was amazing that Castiel could still make him blush like a school boy. Dean didn’t ever want that feeling to go away. 

“You know,” Dean replied in a much deeper voice than he had used seconds before. “There are other ways of thanking me.”

“Are there?” Castiel responded teasingly. “Hmm, I don’t seem to recall any.”

Dean rolled his eyes and turned so that they were once again in each other’s arms. “Really? That’s a shame.”

“Yes, I imagine so,” Castiel retorted, his face morphing into one of pity. “For you, anyway.”

“Just for me, huh?” 

“Actually,” Castiel pushed himself against Dean, slotting his thigh between Dean’s. “If memory serves, there are a couple of things I need to thank you for tonight.”

“Is that right?” Dean smirked back at his boyfriend. He knew exactly where this conversation was going. What with Castiel’s hips gently rolling into Dean’s and Castiel’s lips dipping down to his neck, Dean was pretty sure he was about to be thanked in the best possible way. Dinner could fucking _wait_. 

“Mhmm,” Castiel answered against Dean’s neck. He kissed a line up Dean’s neck to his ear. The doctor’s breath tickled Dean’s ear as he whispered into it. “Any suggestions on how I should show my gratitude?”

Castiel’s hand traveled down Dean’s abdomen until he was cupping Dean through his jeans, making the firefighter let out a soft groan. If making Castiel rabbit food for dinner got Dean thank you-sex in the middle of his kitchen, Dean was never making junk food again. 

“Yeah,” Dean breathed, “I’ve got a few.” He turned his head sharply so he could capture the doctor’s lips in an instantly passionate kiss. Miles away from the kiss they shared just moments before, this kiss was the kind that accompanied clothes being ripped off. As if on cue, Castiel reached for Dean’s belt and began threading it through the buckle. Dean’s hands went to Castiel’s hair, pulling him as close as possible as he ground his hips against him. 

Just as Castiel pulled Dean’s belt free, there was a loud crash in the apartment above them. The sound morphed Dean’s arousal into one of pure fear-induced adrenaline. He pushed Castiel away, his heart suddenly beating fast for an entirely different reason. His eyes darted around the room on instinct, looking for…looking for…what was he looking for?

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice behind him sounded miles away. “Dean, are you-“

“Sshh!” Dean replied harshly. “I can’t-“

There was another sound from above them, a harsh squeaking scrape against his ceiling. Dean whipped around to find Castiel pulling out his phone. Through what had become blurred vision, Dean saw Castiel dial and put the phone to his ear. 

“Mrs. Rachenfield? It’s Castiel Novak. Dean and I just heard a loud noise. Is everything alright up there?”

Dean’s chest hurt. _Why did his chest-_ he wasn’t breathing. Breathe, Dean. _Breathe._

“Does he require any assistance?” Castiel was saying.

_In and out. In and out. In and out._

“Are you sure?”

Dean’s eyes were closed. He didn’t know when he closed them. He opened them to find Castiel looking at him with an expression filled with confusion and concern. 

“Alright then, have a good night.” Castiel ended the call and placed his phone back in his pocket. He spoke quietly as he stepped closer to Dean. His movements resembled that of someone approaching a wild animal. “Mrs. Rachenfield’s son was moving her couch. He accidently dropped it. Everything’s fine.”

Dean was instantly and overwhelmingly aware of how extreme his reaction was to something so innocent. He hoped the rush of adrenaline he felt moments before wasn’t recognized as deeply as it was felt. 

“Oh, good. That’s good.” He was breathing hard, his chest rising and falling far too noticeably. Dean buckled his belt hastily. He moved around Castiel and back into the kitchen. 

“Are you uh- ready to eat?”

“Dean, I think we should talk about what just happened,” Castiel replied gently as followed him.

“What? The epic cock-block that is Mrs. Rachenfield?” Dead tried to tease. He hoped his voice didn’t sound as strained to Castiel as it did to his own ears. “It wouldn’t be the first time she broke up a good thing.”

“No,” Castiel responded. “Dean, what I just saw…” Castiel trailed off. Dean hurriedly placed salad on each of their plates and moved to put them on his small table, passing Castiel on the way.

“Grab the waters, will ya Cas?” Dean sounded much more natural now. He began to relax. 

Castiel did as Dean asked of him, but he didn’t join Dean in sitting at the table. “Dean.”

Dean picked up his fork and began eating, not looking up. “Better hurry up. Your food’s gonna get cold.”

Castiel didn’t point out that they were eating salad for dinner and that was meant to be eaten cold. It was a generous gesture and just another thing to add to the growing list of reasons why Dean was so in love with him. 

Dean didn’t say another word until Castiel finally sat down at the table, the doctor’s eyes still carefully trained on the increasingly less distressed firefighter. 

“There ya go. I roasted the potatoes with rosemary. I thought it would be a nice combo with the mustard dressing but I think it clashes a bit. What do you think?”

Castiel picked up his fork and took a bite.

“Maybe a little,” He responded, his voice wavering slightly. “Perhaps marjoram next time.”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, his breathing and heart rate finally back to normal. “Next time.”


	3. Chapter Three

Dean pressed the button next to Sam’s front door that signaled his arrival to Eileen and Ben, then walked into the house like he always did. He walked in with the weight of the previous day’s tragedy heavy on his shoulders and the stress of keeping things from Castiel burdensome on his mind. It must have been written all over his face, because as soon as Ben saw him the little boy’s brow furrowed.

 _What’s wrong?_ He signed.

At his nephew’s question, Dean let out a sigh. Ben was far too perceptive sometimes. _Nothing, buddy. Just a rough day at work. What are you up to?_

Ben gestured towards what looked like some sort of ship he was building out of Legos. _It’s a lot harder than the other ones._

Dean stepped closer and then knelt down next to the ship to look at it more closely. There were several layers to it, each one building on the other to create an incredibly intricate design. It looked like it might eventually be a TIE Fighter. _Dude, it’s awesome! TIE Fighter?_

Ben nodded. _Eventually. Right now it just looks…kind of lame._

Dean shook his head and frowned. _No way. This thing is already amazing. Just keep working, buddy. It’ll be great._

“I told him the same thing not ten minutes ago.” Sam’s voice came from behind them. Dean swiveled around to look at his younger brother and gave him a small grin. He knew Sam would see through it. Sam’s furrowed brow matched Ben’s and Dean rolled his eyes as he stood up. Was he really that easy to read? 

“I’m fine.”

“Liar,” Sam shook his head but grinned. “Come on, I’m making steak Caesar salad for lunch. You can tell me what’s _really_ going on in the kitchen.” Dean made to argue but ended up just shrugging and throwing a thumbs up to Ben before following his brother into the kitchen.

“Alright,” Sam said as he pulled ingredients from his refrigerator. “Lay it on me.”

Dean pursed his lips and shook his head. “I know we are close Sam but really, I just don’t see you that way. No hard feelings?”

Sam gave Dean his classic bitch face before turning back to the counter to start chopping lettuce. “You know, you can hold it in all you like, but eventually it’s just going to come out anyway. I’d prefer to hear it without the handle of bourbon it takes to get you to stop talking out of your ass.”

“Hey!” Dean pretended to be offended. “Are you calling me a drunk?”

“What I’m _saying_ is that whenever you’ve got something going on, you bottle it up until it basically vomits out of you. Avoiding actual vomit is a daily priority for me now.”

“Oh yeah,” Dean stepped up to the counter next to Sam and started unwrapping the steaks. “How’s Eileen doing lately? Morning sickness still keeping her down?”

“I’m convinced morning sickness is just a dirty lie they tell to try and trick women into thinking they’ll feel better after ten. Eileen throws up pretty much-“ Sam paused and then elbowed Dean. “Hey, nice try. We can talk about my very pregnant wife in a minute. Tell me what’s going on with you.”

“It’s seriously nothing, Sammy. Just a hard day at work,” Dean replied as he placed the steaks on a plate to take out to the grill. “Nothing to get worked up about.”

“Okay,” Sam said carefully, then placed the knife he was using to chop lettuce down on the counter and turned to face Dean. “And where does Cas fit into this?”

“Cas? Who said anything about Cas?”

“I was forced to watch you pine over the guy for several months, Dean. Not only do I deserve some sort of shrine in my honor for having to live through that, but it also means I can tell when it’s him you’re thinking about.”

“Ha. Ha.” Dean scowled at his brother but didn’t deny the claim. He tried to busy his hands with seasoning the steaks, but it was like moving through sand. Another thing that Sam was sure to notice.

“Come on, Dean.” Sam placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “What’s up?”

Dean almost shrugged his brother’s hand off, but he didn’t. Instead, he let out a groan and proceeded to whine like a small child. “Sam, why can’t you just leave it alone?”

Sam laughed kindly and patted Dean’s shoulder once before dropping his hand. “Do I need to revist the bourbon hypothesis?”

“Please don’t.”

“I’ll grab a couple beers and meet you outside,” Sam replied. “We can do ‘man things’ like grill steak and drink beer while you gush over your boyfriend.”

“There will be no gushing,” Dean argued, his finger in his brother’s face. “But the other stuff sounds good.” He led the way to the backyard with the steaks in one hand and barbecue tongs in the other. Ben was still working hard on his space ship, referencing the instructions with a very focused look on his face. Dean sent him a small wave as he slid open the back door and stepped outside. 

October’s sun was mild but warm. There was only a slight breeze, just enough to tickle the hair on Dean’s neck. He lifted the grill’s lid and moved back away from the smoke that escaped. Once the steaks were on the grill, Dean closed the lid again and took his beer from Sam. The sip he took was intentionally much longer than necessary.

“So, will I need the jaws of life or…”

Dean cringed at Sam’s unfortunate phrasing but said nothing- even as his mind was bombarded with countless memories of victims being pulled out of cars. 

“Honestly, I don’t really know what to say,” Dean eventually replied quietly.

“Is everything okay with you two?” Sam questioned, one brow raised.

“Yeah,” Dean replied instantly. “Cas is…you know. Cas is perfect.”

“Okay,” Sam responded, nodding and sipping his beer carefully. “So, what’s the problem?”

The problem was that Dean was suddenly coming down with some mild form of PTSD and he was hiding it from his boyfriend. Except Dean couldn’t tell Sam about those issues either. At least, not yet.

“Cas doesn’t like my job,” Dean blurted out instead. “Which is bullshit because I’m a fucking firefighter! Usually, people are pretty turned on by that, what with the uniform and the muscles, but Cas is all freaked out about it because of Inias and I just-“

“Inias? That’s the ex-fiance, right?”

“Yeah and as much respect as I have for the guy, I seriously fucking hate him sometimes.” Dean took an aggressive sip of his beer. He was definitely over-selling his plight, but it seemed to be working.

“You know that doesn’t make any sense, right?”

Dean frowned. “Does it look like I’m in any mood to be logical?”

“You’re going to have to break this down for me Dean because I’m not really following. What exactly are you upset about?”

Dean sighed as he rolled his eyes and turned his attention towards the backyard. He and Cas had been back there just the weekend before, helping Sam put in a vegetable garden because Eileen wanted to have fresh vegetables during the rest of her pregnancy. She planned to make the babies’ food from the garden too. Dean remembered the light in Castiel’s eyes as he discussed Eileen’s plans with her. The doctor looked absolutely gorgeous under the late afternoon sun, sweat glistening at his temples, his smile wide and completely genuine. Dean didn’t ever want that smile to go away. He wanted it every day for the rest of his life.

“I’m afraid I’ll lose him,” Dean finally responded, very quietly. He wasn’t even sure Sam heard him until his brother stepped up beside him and looked out at the backyard with him. He also wasn’t aware of just how afraid he was until the words were out of his mouth.

“What makes you think that?”

“It’s just this feeling…I don’t know.” 

The truth was, Dean was terrified of opening himself up to Castiel completely, just to have Castiel focus on the details of his job rather than the emotional trauma Dean seemed to be undergoing. He wanted Castiel to support him, support his job. He also didn’t want to do anything to upset Castiel or make him question his decision to be with Dean.

“Maybe you should talk to him about it. I know he would want to know how you’re feeling about this.” When Dean just shrugged, Sam shook his head and turned towards his brother. “Seriously Dean, Cas loves you. Just talk to him.” At those words, Dean’s ears turned red. He avoided Sam’s suddenly very curious gaze and looked down at the ground instead. “What?” Sam asked.

“Nothing, uh. It’s nothing.”

“Don’t tell me…have you two not-“

“It just hasn’t come up, okay!”

“Oh please!” Sam laughed. “You’re chicken shit!”

“I am not!” Dean argued. “I’m just- I mean it isn’t like he- you know what? The steaks probably need turning.” He turned back towards the grill as Sam continued to cackle behind him. Dean dodged the waft of smoke as it escaped the grille when he opened it and flipped the steaks with the barbecue tongs. He closed the lid and pointedly did not look at Sam. “So, did you catch the Ranger’s game last night?”

“First, the Rangers weren’t playing last night. Second, please tell me why you and Cas haven’t told each other you love each other yet. For God’s sake, you two were in love before you even-“

“Yeah yeah, okay, I don’t need a history lesson, Professor.”

“So? What’s holding you back?”

Dean groaned and gestured towards the door to the house. “Don’t you have a pregnant wife to bother? I’m sure she could use some help tying her shoes or something.”

“She’s taking a bath. Her back is killing her, but she doesn’t want me to touch her. No one tells you pregnancy is kind of the worst thing ever.”

Dean nodded and crossed his arms in interest. “Yeah, sounds rough. Tell me about it?”

“Well, I mean with one baby it would be hard, but knowing there are two coming just makes this whole thing-“ Sam’s eyes widened and he shot a finger out at his brother. He opened his mouth in shock. “You did it again! No, no, no. We are going to finish this damn conversation, Dean.”

Dean smiled at his near success. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

“I can. And do.” Sam ran his hand through his hair then sipped his beer again. “Just tell him, Dean. It’ll be good for you. For both of you.”

“I don’t want to rush things, Sammy. We’ve only been officially together for four months. People don’t declare their love for each other after four months. That’s- well that’s some chick-flick shit right there and that ain’t me.”

“Yes, it is.” Sam laughed. “You and Castiel had an old-fashioned meet-cute that turned into the classic friends to lovers trope. Your entire relationship is basically a summer blockbuster romantic comedy.”

“Shut up.”

“ I can see it now, all lit up in a scrolling marquee: Falling in Love with Batman: The Dean Winchester Story.”

“I will literally stab you in the eye with these.” Dean held up the tongs and made a stabbing motion. “Don’t think I won’t.”

Sam just laughed some more. “Come _on_ Dean. You’re not proposing. Just tell him how you feel.”

“What if- I mean, you said, but-“

“He loves you. There is no question there.”

“He ain’t exactly banging down my door to tell me, either.”

“Maybe he is just as chicken shit as you are,” Sam offered, beaming back him. He was obviously entirely too pleased with himself.

“Fine,” Dean grumbled. “I’ll tell my stupid boyfriend I love him. Happy?”

Sam just smiled wider. 

“Ecstatic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's it going so far?! I'm loving being back in this verse, I hope you are too!


	4. Chapter Four

It wasn’t like Dean had never had problems separating work related trauma from his daily life. When he was still a rookie he had witnessed a child fall from the fourth story of an apartment complex. That image haunted him every day for months and every night for over a year. No, Dean wasn’t completely immune to the tragedy that befell those he attempted to save, even with his special emotion dimmer. This time though, this time it was different. This time it wasn’t just his mind being affected or his dreams being interrupted. It was his body. His speech. His breathing. It was everything.

He tried broaching the topic with Bobby, just a casual, ‘Hey man, you ever…you know…have trouble with the job?’ In response, Bobby stared at him for much too long, his hands on his hips and his jaw clenched. Right before Dean was about to tell him to forget about it, Bobby let out a loud breath of annoyance and replied, “Of fucking course you, idjit. You think I ain’t never felt it before? We all feel it, Dean. It’s not about _not_ feeling it, it’s about feeling it and pushing through anyway. Can you manage that?” 

The question wasn’t delivered as harshly as the words struck him, but still, Dean felt compelled to nod vigorously before fetching Bobby a cup of coffee. 

Dean spent that morning at work brooding over his newly developed issue and worrying about Alex and how she was getting along. There weren’t any calls, so Dean spent most of his time on his back under an engine, grease smeared on his face and hands. He would occasionally drop a wrench on his face and curse obscenely, but if anyone noticed a change in his behavior, they didn’t comment on it. When his shift was over at noon, Dean went to the hospital to have lunch with Charlie and then check in on Alex. Castiel was in surgery all afternoon so Dean wouldn’t be able to stop in to see him, but he thought it was just as well that he couldn’t. After dinner the other night, Dean wasn’t anxious to see his boyfriend again until he figured out what was going on with himself. If he had another freak-out in front of the doctor, there was no way Castiel was going to let it go again.

When Dean strolled into the hospital cafeteria, his spirits lifted considerably at just the sight of his red-headed friend. Charlie was hunched over her lunch, spoon hovering very close to her mouth, as she lost herself in the comic book open beside her. He pulled at her ponytail as he passed her to get to the buffet line. Charlie called out, ‘Assault!’, but Dean pretended not to hear her and filled his tray with a cheeseburger, fries, and a small Styrofoam bowl full of something green. He didn’t think he’d eat it, but he figured putting it on his tray was a good step. It was worth a little over the pants action at least. 

After he finished paying for his lunch, Dean weaved his way back through the lunch crowd and say across the table from Charlie.

“Fancy meeting you here,” She greeted, closing her comic book and pushing it to the side. Her eyes traveled down to his tray and squinted at the bowl of green mush. “You know Castiel isn’t meeting us, right?”

“Yeah but you’re going to be a good friend and tell him I ate all this green shit, aren’t you?” Dean raised his eyebrows and gave her a wide grin. 

“What’s in it for me?”

Dean pretended to think on that for a moment, stroking his chin. “I’ll help you set up for the party this weekend,” He offered.

Charlie shrugged. “Deal. Jo has to work and won’t get home until after it starts so I could use an extra hand.”

Dean bit into his burger and hummed his satisfaction. “Okay, cool. Cas has off that day so he can help out too. We still haven’t figured out what we are going to wear but-” Charlie’s eyes lit up suddenly.

“Oh! Did I forget to tell you?” She was beaming, her eyes glittering with mischief. “I already have your costumes picked out. You don’t have to do a thing.”

“What? Why?” Dean questioned. If Charlie had plans for his and Cas’ Halloween costumes, there had to be some very embarrassing reason. 

Charlie just smiled. “You’ll see.”

“I don’t have a choice in this do I?” Dean groaned.

“Not even a little bit,” Charlie replied, finally getting back to her soup. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. You’re going to look kick-ass.”

Dean raised an eyebrow in disbelief but eventually just sighed and gave her a helpless shrug. “Well, what about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, what’s your costume?”

Charlie shook her head, her smile returning. “Nope. Sorry, that’s a surprise too.”

Dean rolled his eyes dramatically and huffed out his annoyance. He stuffed several fries in his mouth in an odd act of rebellion. 

“Be careful,” Charlie teased. “I could tell Cas about that too.”

Dean stuffed in four more.

 

***

They were almost through with lunch when it happened. It was innocent, completely harmless and probably occurred daily. It was undoubtedly something Dean had heard countless times before while sitting in that cafeteria, possibly even in that very seat. But this time, when it happened, Dean thought he might die. 

It was a split second, blink and you miss it feeling, but for just an instant, right as someone’s plastic tray hit the ground, Dean thought he had taken his last breath. The clatter pushed a rush of adrenaline through his body so hard and so fast, the rest of Dean’s body was shocked into paralysis. His muscles tightened, his body grew stiff. His eyes went wide as his breath caught in his chest and refused to be released. Unless someone was watching him closely, they wouldn’t have noticed Dean’s reaction to the innocuous event, but someone was watching. The redhead across from him.

“Dean?” Charlie asked warily. “Are you okay?”

“Hmm?” Dean responded after a moment. His heart was beating far too wildly. He needed to breathe, get himself under control. “What? Yeah. Fine. Yeah. Good.”

Charlie just started at him. Dean occupied his hands by bringing the burger to his face, but as it inched closer he realized he might throw up if he ate at that moment. He put it back down and sipped at his water instead.

“So…” Charlie started slowly. “Are we going to talk about how you just reacted to a loud sound like a veteran with PTSD or…”

“What? Charlie, PTSD? You’re joking.” He tried to sound confused, but he knew he just sounded scared.

“What’s going on, Dean?”

“I just said-“

“Stop.” Charlie held up her hand for a moment, then reached across the table with it and placed it on top of Dean’s. “Whatever it is, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about Dean. Shit happens. Everyone deals in their own way. And sometimes…sometimes people need help dealing. That’s okay.”

Dean looked down at her hand over his and then back up to her concerned gaze. He didn’t know why, but the first thing out of his mouth was, “Don’t tell Cas.”

Charlie visibly startled at this, but recovered quickly. She pulled her hand back. “I won’t. I promise. You need to tell me what’s going on though.”

Dean swallowed hard, instantly missing the comfort of his friend’s hand but far too proud to request it back. “I’ve been…I don’t know… _reacting_ lately.”

“Reacting,” Charlie parroted back to him, obviously confused.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded. “Little things. I can’t stop seeing things I’d rather not see. Things from that first accident. And you saw what happens when I get startled. It’s like I go into defense mode or something. My entire body feels like it’s going to-” Dean cuts himself off. He’s not one for oversharing.

“You mean, ever since you’ve been back to work you’ve been experiencing this?” Charlie prompted.

“Ever since that call, yeah.”

Charlie was quiet for a little while, looking down at her abandoned lunch for a few moments before looking back up at Dean tentatively. “Why don’t you want to tell Cas?”

“Because he’ll worry,” Dean answered immediately. When Charlie raised a disbelieving brow at him, he sighed and continued, “And because he would want me to quit.”

“You don’t know that,” She responded.

“No, I don’t. But Cas hates my job enough as it is, I don’t want to give him more ammo against it.”

“Fair enough,” Charlie replied. “Cas aside, why do you think you’re reacting so strongly to stuff now? I mean, you’ve been a firefighter for years. Has anything like this happened before?”

“Not exactly no,” Dean shook his head. “I mean I’ve always been affected by stuff but I don’t usually bring it home with me.”

“Well, I mean the difference between then and now is that before you didn’t want to bring it home with you- and now you feel like you absolutely _can’t_. You’re afraid of losing your boyfriend over your job and it’s fucking with your head.”

Dean squinted at his friend, not understanding her. “Hows that work?”

“Dean, I’m no shrink, but I used to have a standing Tuesday night lady bang with one. She taught me a thing or two.” Charlie placed her hands in front of her and laced them together, training her gaze on Dean like he might get up and run away at any moment. “What’s the only thing that’s changed between now and the last time you went on a major call before you were injured? Castiel. He’s the reason you’re suffering right now, one way or another.”

“Okay, but why?” Dean pressed. “I mean, Cas- I lo- I really care about him. I’m not going to give him up just because-“

“First of all, you can’t even tell me you love him? That’s sad. Second of all, no one is telling you to give up your boyfriend. You’ve just got to figure out what it is exactly that’s bothering you.” She pauses then, tilts her head inquisitively. It reminds Dean of Cas. “What _exactly_ are you thinking about when you freak out?” 

Dean grimaced and shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know, Charlie. Death? Dying? Saving people? It depends.”

“Your death or someone else’s?”

“Both? I don’t know. It’s hard to pinpoint, okay? I just get all…fucked up.”

“Okay, but it matters _how_ , Dean.” Charlie explained. “If you’re looking for victims to save when the episodes happen, then that might mean that you’re having trouble separating your life at work from your life at home because you don’t have an outlet at home. You’re afraid to talk to Cas about what happens at work, so you’re inadvertently bringing it home with you, forcing yourself to deal with things with Cas. However, if you feel like it’s you that’s dying whenever your body goes into overdrive, that might mean that you’re actually afraid of dying yourself. I mean, think about it Dean. The man you’ve fallen in love with has a severe phobia about his boyfriend’s dying and you, the new boyfriend, have been chasing your mother’s ghost for years. He’s terrified you’re going to die and you’re terrified of hurting him when you inevitably do.”

Dean just stared at her, mouth agape. Eventually he whispered, “Dude.” 

Charlie smiled in satisfaction. “I know, I missed a calling. Sandra always said so.”

“Sandra?” 

“The shrink.”

“Oh, right.” They sat in silence for a few moments, Charlie going back to her now cold soup and Dean staring absently out the window at the far side of the cafeteria. He knew she was right, one way or another, all that bullshit she just said to him was probably right. Dean didn’t know what to do about it though. He couldn’t change Castiel’s fears any more than he could change his own. There was a small voice that told him he should just talk to Castiel about it, but he wanted some more time to figure things out for himself. 

“So when did you do it?” Dean finally broke the silence, picking his french fries apart and tossing them back to this plate.

“Do what?” Charlie asked.

“Tell Jo you loved her.”

“I don’t know…” Charlie looked up, thinking. “A few months after things got serious?”

“Hmm,” Dean responded, pursing his lips. “You know, it’s not like I am afraid or anything. Its just, you know, I don’t want to rush things.”

“I get that,” Charlie responded with a nod. “But Dean, seriously, if you’re stumbling over yourself trying _not_ to say it, that should be a sign that it’s time.”

“I think Sandra the shrink was right about you.” Dean smirked as he tossed a piece of fry across the table. Charlie caught it and popped it in her mouth.

“What can I say?” She smiled wide. “I’m a renaissance woman.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you're probably getting anxious waiting for a good Cas and Dean chapter, and I promise its coming, but up next is a a morning with dead people and an afternoon with Ben. A Cas interlude is scheduled for Chapter 6 and it should be a very fun, very sweet chapter! I hope you've enjoyed this update!


	5. Chapter Five

The sun was unforgiving on the back of Dean’s neck as he lowered his head and closed his eyes. There was a gentle rustle of tree branches from the nearby oak, but the breeze wasn’t nearly as satisfying as Dean hoped it would be. Kansas’ heat was brutal at the best of times, dangerous at the worst. Dean knew this as both a citizen and a firefighter. Today though, today Dean wasn’t working. He had a date with his boyfriend’s dead fiancé and his parents. He would pick up Ben for lunch afterward and then they would go out for ice cream. Then, if he wasn’t too chicken shit, Dean was going to tell Castiel that he loved him. It was a going to be a good day and Dean was only slightly terrified. 

“It should probably feel weird that I’m talking to you about him,” Dean said aloud. He looked up to trace the lines of Inias’ name with his eyes. “I mean, you know how great he is. You had him first. You’d probably still have him if…well, you know.” Dean sighed and looked back down at his lap. “It’s just…I don’t want to lose him and it feels like I could if I make the same choice you did. Not death, obviously. You didn’t choose to die, but…you did choose your profession and to Cas, that’s basically the same thing.” Dean’s shoulders slumped after he took in another long breath. “Maybe I should just quit. There are other things I could do. I really liked what I was learning in school, actually. For awhile there I thought I might go into motorsports engineering. I talked to a recruiter once and he made it sound totally badass.” Dean frowned. “A classmate of mine went into defense work. He analyzes IED explosions and designs vehicles to protect soldiers better. That’d be pretty cool, I guess.”

Dean squinted up at the sky for a moment, then laid down on his back and closed his eyes. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the sound of the other ways his life could have gone, he just really loved being a firefighter. There was just something about it. Dean’s head turned and his eyes instinctively went to the hill where his parent’s graves were. It was as if his body was giving him the very answer he sought. He hadn’t been to see his parents yet, the magnetism of Inias’ grave was just too tempting to put off. Dean had been going to his grave almost as often as he went to talk to his parents. It was assuredly strange. So strange that Dean hadn’t told Castiel about the habit, but Dean didn’t think the doctor would mind. Or, at least he hoped he wouldn’t mind. Dean enjoyed talking to the slab of rock that represented the love of Castiel’s life. It was bittersweet, in a way, knowing that Dean was sitting atop the grave of the person Castiel had loved the most. It was also more than a little morbid. 

With his eyes on his parents grave though, Dean rose from his place in the grass and placed his hand on Inias’ tombstone. “Until next time buddy.”

He made his way up the hill to where his parents laid and then settled his back against his father’s tombstone.

“Hey guys. Hot day, huh?” Dean pulled his fingers through the grass and enjoyed the silky feeling of the blades between his fingers. “I, uh, don’t know if you were listening but I was just talking to Inias down there.” He paused a moment, interrupting his own stream of consciousness to account for what would have been the perfect moment for his father to complain. “Oh, don’t get jealous that I talked to him first.” He rolled his eyes and smiled softly. “You know I love you best.”

Dean sighed and stayed silent for a moment. After his talk with Charlie the day before, Dean was sure that he had things figured out. His friend was probably right, all his struggles had to come down to Castiel, and if Dean just talked to him, they could figure things out together. However, when Castiel canceled their dinner the night before because he had to stay at work late, Dean began to rethink things. Maybe he was being selfish. Maybe Dean should think about giving up his job and pursuing other interests. He didn’t think Castiel would ever ask him to, but Dean knew the doctor would be happy if Dean retired from firefighting and switched careers. He imagined himself bringing this problem to his parents for real, wondering what they would say and how they would contribute to the headache he would have undoubtedly already had.

His mother would reach for his hand and tell him to follow his heart. He couldn’t be sure of this, but it seemed like a very Mary Winchester thing to say. She would want him to be happy. She would want him to _remain_ happy, whatever that meant. Dean didn’t have to wonder what his father would say. John Winchester would definitely tell him to “be a man” and stand up for himself. He would tell Dean to take pride in his work and not let anyone come between him and his job. Dean would probably think they were both right and suffer accordingly. Kind of like he was doing now. 

“I just don’t know,” Dean said to the sky. “I don’t want to upset Cas, but there is just something about being a firefighter that makes me feel like I am doing something. You know? Like I’m doing my part. I know Cas gets that because he feels the same way about his job. I mean, maybe there is more to it but…I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

When Dean closed his eyes, the immediate darkness was replaced with the night his mother died. The smoke from the fire filled his nose, his lungs. His heart raced as he watched his mother rush back towards the house, her white nightgown flowing behind her. He heard himself cry out for her. He felt his father’s arms tighten around his chest. Dean opened his eyes and blinked away the tears that had formed. 

“This is who I am,” Dean stated softly, his last memory of Mary Winchester slowly fading. “I can’t change who I am.”

****

They were just sitting down at one of the picnic benches outside the ice cream shop when Ben put down his spoon and signed, _What’s a bottom?”_

Dean’s brow furrowed for a second, unsure if he understood his nephew correctly at first, but then understanding dawned on him and Dean’s eyebrows shot promptly upwards. _What?!_

_A bottom. David said you were probably a bottom. What does that mean?_

Dean choked on his peanut butter chocolate ice cream and had to spit some of it out onto the concrete. 

_Uh…what were you guys talking about when he said this?_

_Well, Claire and I were talking about how you and her Uncle Cas were going to get married-_

“WOAH WOAH WOAH,” Dean said aloud as he signed. “Stop right there mister.” _Who said we were getting married?_

Ben gave his uncle a confused look, then answered, _You love each other, don’t you?_

At that, Dean could only let out a loud sigh before he let his head fall to the picnic table. “Everyone’s a critic.” 

Dean only wallowed in his chicken-shittery for a second, before reminding himself that he had every intention of telling Castiel how much he loved him that very night. Dean lifted his head, butterflies taunting him in his stomach at the thought of what would happen later, and began to question his nephew again.

_Let’s forget the marriage thing for a second. What happened after that?_

Ben frowned at not getting an answer from his uncle, but as it was a common occurrence, he let it go. _David and Abe came over and called you a bad name. Then he said that you were probably the bottom because a doctor would know better. What does that mean? Is he right?_

Dean’s face turned bright red, not just from anger at the little asswipes David and Abe, but from embarrassment. He was positive that the sex talk was not his area as the uncle, but he didn’t want to leave Ben thinking there was something bad or inherently wrong about his and Castiel’s relationship. He contemplated calling Sam for advice on what to say- or more importantly- not to say, but ultimately decided to treat Ben the way he would his own kid. Sam would probably be fine with anything he would say anyway. 

_Well, first of all, buddy, what David and Abe said was really uncool. Do you remember the word homophobic?_

Ben nodded. _When someone doesn’t like boys with boys or girls with girls._

Dean nodded. _Right. Well, the way David and Abe were talking sounds homophobic. So, I’m sorry that you had to hear them talk about me and Cas that way. Second, what they were talking about is a very private matter between partners._

Dean paused and contemplated Ben for a long moment. How much do you tell a kid about sex? How much had Sam already told him? _Ben, has your dad or mom talked to you about how your new brother and sister were made?_

Ben’s eyes widened, his face matched the fire-engine red color of his polo shirt. _I’m guessing that’s a yes?_

Ben nodded slowly, the frown on his mouth showing exactly how he felt about the conversation. At least they were in agreement. Dean wasn’t sure what age kids had the talk with their parents. He learned the birds and the bees from an older kid down the street when he was six. Ben was eight. Who knows what he has picked up by now. Although, he didn’t know what a bottom was, so he hadn’t thought to ask his parents how men have sex. Dean squirmed in his seat. He really wished Sam was here.

_Okay, so do you know how men engage in similar activities?_

Ben looked confused for a second, but then shrugged. _Two men can’t make a baby. Daddy said so._

Dean nodded. _That’s true buddy, yeah. That’s true but…people don’t just have sex to make babies. You get that, right?_

Ben cringed but nodded. _Yeah, they told me that too. I don’t know why. It’s very gross, Uncle Dean._

Ben looked positively affronted and Dean couldn’t help but laugh.

_Well, you might change your mind when you’re older. Much older. And maybe you won’t change your mind. Everyone is different. You’ve got plenty of time to figure it out._

Ben looked thoughtfully at his Uncle, then surprised him. _I’m not gay or bisexual. Is that okay?_

Dean was startled at first but then immediately answered with a smile.

_Of course! I wasn’t talking about orientation there. I just meant- well._ Dean struggled for the right words. Sexuality and preference are such complicated topics for adults, how the hell was he supposed to explain this stuff to an eight-year-old? He sighed and tried again. _Ben, I’ll love you no matter who you love or if you never love anyone. I’ll love you no matter what. So will your parents. Okay?_

Ben gave him a puzzled smile and shook his head when he let out a small laugh. _I know that. Don’t be dumb._

Dean laughed along with him until suddenly Ben stopped laughing and he went wide-eyed once more. With the sudden re-emergence of the flush on his cheeks, Dean had a very good feeling what the sudden change in demeanor was about. _Did you just figure out what David meant?_

Ben nodded slowly, continuing to stare at his Uncle with wide eyes. _You…in your…_ He couldn’t finish the sign and Dean was grateful. There was nothing shameful about the way he and Castiel had sex, but there was something incredibly embarrassing about talking about sex with your eight-year-old nephew. 

_Like I said, sex is a very private activity between consenting adults. Who does what and how they do it, tends to vary but not always. I understand there is a natural curiosity but it’s not nice to make assumptions about people’s sex lives. Does that make sense?_

Ben nodded furiously and signed in a rush. _I didn’t know. I don’t want to know. I didn’t-_

Dean couldn’t hold back his chuckle as he replied. _Don’t worry buddy, I have no intention of telling you anything else._ He paused, took a bite of his ice cream, then continued, _In the future, I think your parents are your best bet for stuff like this, but I’m always here if you want to talk or if you have questions. Okay?_

His nephew nodded resolutely and then went back to his treat. The red in Ben’s cheeks slowly disappeared along with the ice-cream in his bowl. The conversation was a good distraction from what had been on Dean’s mind most of the afternoon, but now that they were quiet and concentrating on finishing their ice-cream, Dean was left with only his thoughts on how he could screw up a very important milestone in his relationship with Castiel.

Tonight was the night. Dean was going to romance the pants off of his boyfriend, both figuratively _and_ literally. He would cook them a nice dinner, they’d play chess, and then Dean would light a bunch of candles and put on some romantic music before pulling Castiel into the kitchen to dance with him. Dean would tell Castiel he loved him in the very spot where they first kissed, and then they would end their night the same way they ended that first night together. Although maybe this time they’d spare the hallway wall and make it to the bedroom. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An interlude is up next! 
> 
> If you're interested in reading an lgbtq fantasy series in which one of the couples is based heavily, HEAVILY on one of the ff versions of destiel check out my [Website!](https://www.thisisindieg.com)


	6. Chapter Six- Interlude

“You’ve got to be joking,” Castiel groaned as he opened the door to his car and climbed out. “Gabriel, No. Absolutely not.”

“Oh come on Cassie! I’ll be in and out before you even know it. Disinfectant is included! Plus, a discount for you and your-“

“I said no,” Castiel interjected. He pulled his overnight bag from the backseat and began walking toward Dean’s apartment. “Neither Dean nor I have any use for your discounts.”

“We sell accessories now too, little brother. Don’t pretend like you two don’t use enough lube to fill a bathtub.”

Castiel let out an annoyed sigh. “Gabriel.”

“Plus,” His older brother continued. “A little birdie told me you two enjoyed playing dress-up. Perhaps I can entice you with-“

“What?” Castiel stopped short. “I do not have any avian companions, Gabriel, and Dean and I do not-“

“There’s no shame in a little make-believe, Cassie. You have to spice things up somehow! You’re bound to be at least a little bored by now.” Castiel rolled his eyes and contemplated just hanging up on him. “How about this? You let me use your office for three hours and I will put together a little basket of fun for you and Dean. I’m talking flavored lube, glow-in-the-dark butt plugs, and the biggest cock either of you could ever-“

Castiel hung up. 

His grip on his overnight bag tightened as he pushed his phone forcefully into his pocket. With murmurs of how much he despised his brother, Castiel continued toward Dean’s front door. 

He was unwillingly grateful that the conversation with Gabriel had helped squash his nerves, however momentarily, but now they roared back to life. Castiel didn’t know how he was going to confront Dean about whatever it was that happened the other night, but he felt it was his duty. Not only as Dean’s boyfriend but as a doctor, to be sure that Dean was alright. What he witnessed was very similar to other PTSD episodes he had seen and there was no way he could just let that go. Things like that didn’t go away on their own and if Dean was going through something, Castiel wanted to be there for him. The doctor didn’t have a clue as to what had triggered Dean’s current mental health battle, but there had been other signs that the doctor could no longer ignore. Jumping at loud sounds, holding his breath at odd times, frantic searching for something…  
Castiel didn’t know what. He was going to find out. 

He approached Dean’s door slowly, taking in a long breath that allowed him more time to think and prepare. Someone was barbecuing somewhere, the smell of charred food heavy in the air. His nostrils flared with the unpleasant smell that accosted his senses. Castiel knocked on the door and hoped Dean would be quick to answer. He would just walk in, but with how jumpy Dean had been lately, he was afraid to set the firefighter off. However, when Dean still didn’t answer the door after Castiel knocked a second time, Castiel turned the knob and pushed the door open. Slowly.

“Dean?” Castiel called. He was immediately assaulted by whatever smell it was that had overwhelmed him earlier. It was thick, putrid. Castiel covered his nose with his hand and called again as he stepped all the way inside and closed the door. “Dean?”

Dean’s head popped around his kitchen cabinet. He looked horrible. “Cas? Shit. Cas- I’m sorry, I know it’s-“

“Are you okay?” Castiel had to get that question out of the way before he did anything else.

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean walked his way around the counter. “I’m fine. It’s the damn butt.”

Castiel wasn’t sure if he’d heard him correctly. Was it possible for atrocious smells to affect one’s hearing? Castiel’s mind began dissecting the question before he remembered he needed to concentrate on what Dean was doing, how he was acting. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Castiel asked. He placed his bag down next to the living room couch and tentatively stepped closer to the kitchen.

“The butt! The guy said it was good. Lousy bastard swindled me.” Dean walked back into the kitchen and began stirring something in a large silver pot. “Potatoes look alright, at least.”

“Dean, you’re going to have to give me a little more detail here…” Castiel started, walking around the kitchen counter to join his boyfriend at the stove. He couldn’t spot the origination point of the smell. It didn’t seem to be coming from the pot Dean stood in front of. “What butt are you speaking of?”

“The pork,” Dean replied. “I bought a pork butt from the guy who sells meat outside the supermarket. The guy with the farm down route seven?” Dean put the lid back on the potatoes he was boiling and turned to face him. “He said she was fresh, the lying bastard.”

“Um,” Castiel struggled for words. He was sure there was a wrong thing to say here and he was almost positive anything that came out of his mouth would, in fact, be the wrong thing. “You know, they sell meat in the supermarket.” Dean’s face fell. Definitely the wrong thing to say.

“Yeah, I know Cas, but I was trying to do the whole ‘farm to table’ experience. I thought you’d like that.”

Castiel immediately brightened and smiled back at Dean. “I would! I do! That’s very sweet of you Dean.” The doctor’s eyes roamed around the kitchen until he finally found the source of his olfactory glands’ discomfort. There, sitting in the sink, was a half cooked, half charred chunk of meat. “He sold you a rancid piece of meat.”

“Apparently,” Dean replied. He looked gutted. Castiel found this strange since Dean was usually so flexible. It was unlike him to react so strongly to something so unimportant. Castiel stepped closer and placed his arms around Dean’s waist. Dean leaned into him. “I should have known the moment I opened the package. I almost yakked right then and there. I decided to cook it anyway, just to see what happened and, well…it was sort of a disaster.”

Castiel noted the ash on the floor under the oven as well as the several large splotches of brown juice on the counter and floor near the sink. It looked as if the meat had been dropped several times. Castiel caught Dean watching him and planted on a smile. The firefighter saw through it immediately and groaned. “It’s awful. I ruined everything.”

Castiel’s brow furrowed at the dramatic statement but didn’t challenge him on it.

“Well, like you said, the potatoes look good,” He said instead. “What’s in the pan next to it?” Dean perked up a little as he swiveled out of Castiel’s arms and lifted the lid to the stir-fry pan. 

“Broccoli and onions,” Dean gave Castiel a big smile.

“My favorite,” Castiel commented with a grin of his own.

“Your favorite.” Dean nodded. “Just have to add some salt and then it’s ready.” Dean reached for the container of salt in the cabinet above him. “I may have some leftover meatloaf in the fridge. Not exactly what I was going for but- shit!” 

It appeared that Dean had opened the wrong side of the salt container as an entire heap of it fell onto the cooking vegetables. Castiel stepped back as Dean lunged for a spoon, presumably to try and scoop out the excess. With Dean’s overenthusiastic lunge, however, the firefighter bumped the boiling pot of potatoes onto the floor, crying out in pain when his hand and later his feet and legs registered the assault. “Fuck!”

As if choreographed, both men jumped backward into the air and pull themselves up onto the counter, saving themselves from any serious burns. 

Castiel’s chest heaved with the sudden adrenaline rush and spike of pain the splatter of boiling water provided him. His shins and ankles ached slightly, but his pants had provided him some protection. Unfortunately, he had taken off his work shoes and slipped on sandals after work so his feet had been mildly splattered. He locked eyes with Dean who was breathing heavily on the counter across from him. The doctor looked for signs of an oncoming panic attack, but he saw no evidence of one. Dean had his hand cradled to his chest and a very uncomfortable look on his face. He was wearing shorts and no shoes.

“Dean, are you alright? Where are you burned?” Castiel’s doctor’s voice dominated the room.

“The back of my hand. I jumped out of the way fast enough, I think. Just some splatter on my legs and feet.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I made it off the ground in time,” Dean replied. His face fell again. “Shit. I really fucked this up.”

Castiel gave his boyfriend an incredulous look. “Fucked what up? Dinner?”

Dean didn’t respond. Instead, he started grabbing dishtowels from the drawer beneath where he sat. He threw them on the ground and they began to absorb some of the scalding water. “How long do you think it’ll take to cool down enough for us to be able to stand in it?”

“A thin layer like this, I’d say just a few minutes,” Castiel answered. He had a feeling Dean already knew the answer to that question. “After we get you cleaned and bandaged up, why don’t we just order in? Mrs. Kumaldi always enjoys our patronage.”

“That’s because you set her son up with Hannah,” Dean grumbled, not looking up. His eyes were still on the now soaked dish towels. The firefighter looked more than a little disappointed.

“Dean-“

“Yeah, Indian. Sounds good, Cas.” Dean finally looked up. There was a sudden change in his expression. He started to look more like himself again. “Then, uh, I thought we could play a game of chess. It’s been awhile since you’ve gotten your ass handed to you.”

“I don’t know,” Castiel said with a smirk, emboldened by his boyfriend’s return to life. “I seem to remember some ass play just the other night…”

With that, Dean’s eyes came alive again. His smile was so genuine Castiel had to restrain himself from jumping off the counter to get to him. He’d have to wait at least another minute before the water was cool enough to not burn. Smashing Dean’s lips with his own was just going to have to wait.

“You know what?” Dean teased. “I think I do remember something about that.”

Castiel laughed. “Glad to see our activities together aren’t easily forgotten.”

“Never,” Dean replied. He winced when he changed position on the counter. “Damn.”

The smile on Castiel’s lips fell into a frown. “Just another minute and then I’ll take care of you. You do have burn ointment, yes? And bandages?”

“Yeah, in the first aid kit in the bathroom.”

“Okay,” Castiel nodded and then they fell into silence. The doctor was cautiously aware of Dean’s mental state, waiting for any change in his demeanor. Nothing came. His mind began to wonder. Dean mentioned a game of chess. That would be nice. They hadn’t played since-oh. “Dean, didn’t we leave the chess board at Sam’s last weekend?”

“Huh?” Dean must have been lost in thought as well.

“Last weekend. We went to Sam and Eileen’s and taught Ben how to play chess. I remember he wanted to keep it to practice. Did you get it back from them?”

Dean looked as if Castiel had just kicked his puppy. “No. I…I forgot.” Castiel nodded and began thinking of other things they could do. If Dean was in the mood for a game, maybe they could- “God Dammit!”

Dean’s outburst startled Castiel enough to make him slide off the counter. Thankfully, the water on the floor was cool enough to withstand. The tiny burns where his skin wasn’t protected stung a little when they sunk into the cooler water, but the pain was easily ignored.

“I just wanted-“ Dean cut himself off. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay, no pork. No chess. It’s fine.” Castiel stared at him with wide eyes. Something was going on, but he didn’t know what it was. Dean was certainly overreacting. Did he think Castiel cared about a spoiled dinner and lost game of chess? Surely he knew him better than that.

“Dean,” Castiel started, walking towards him and reaching for his hand. “It’s alright. I’ll call in for food now, and we can play something else. Let me see your hand.” 

Dean showed the doctor his hand and allowed himself to be examined. 

“It’s not so bad,” Castiel informed him. “I’ll be right back.” Dean nodded and Castiel left him on the counter to retrieve the first aid kit from the bathroom. When he returned, he nearly bumped into the firefighter in the hallway. “What are you doing?”

“I, uh, just thought I’d get some candles. You know, try to get rid of the smell.” Dean’s eyes were shifty as he opened the hall closet and began filling his arms with candles.

“Dean, let me have those,” Castiel requested. He took the candles out of Dean’s arms and placed them on the living room coffee table. “Come sit down please.” Dean did as he was asked and took a seat beside the doctor on the couch. Castiel opened the first aid kit and took out the items he would need. “Give me your hand.” Dean placed his hand into the doctor’s and let out a sigh.

“I’m sorry about tonight, Cas. I just wanted…I wanted to do something special for you.”

Castiel was moved by the admission but concerned by it as well. He cleaned the burn and began rubbing burn gel on it. 

“That’s very sweet Dean, I appreciate the effort you went through, but you know it’s not necessary.” He felt the firefighter tense in his hand and he looked up to meet his eyes. The firefighter was fighting off a grimace of pain. “Scale of 1-10?”

The corner of Dean’s mouth lifted, “The one that looks like the guy holding in a fart.”

“Two?” Castiel smiled.

“That’s the one,” Dean answered. They shared a long lingering look where Castiel could feel his heart suddenly start beating to a new rhythm. It was one of those looks where he thought he could very well melt in the firefighter’s gaze. It was soft, yet full of something heavy. Castiel loved the feeling. It wasn’t entirely new, but it was different. 

With Inias, Castiel could feel the strength of his love for him in the beat of his heart. Castiel loved the way Inias spoke; he loved the way he smiled; he loved the way he fell asleep at night. Castiel found many things he disliked about the man, as all couples inevitably do, but Inias’ faults never stopped Castiel from loving him. It had become a piece of his identity. It was like he could take his love for Inias and bottle it up and hold it inside of himself forever. With Dean…it was like there was no container in existence that could possibly hold Castiel’s love for him. It was raw, powerful, and absolutely undeniable. It would threaten to overwhelm him, and then it would offer the doctor the most blissful serenity. Castiel had never experienced anything like it.

“I know it wasn’t necessary.” Dean broke the silence. “I just wanted to do something to show you how much I care about you.” His voice faltered. Castiel’s hands shook slightly as he began to bandage Dean’s hand up. It looked like Dean wanted to say something else, but nothing came.

“Dean, I know.” Castiel replied. He finished bandaging Dean’s hand but continued to hold it in his own. “You don’t have to…”

Castiel could feel the words forming. The words he had yet to say because it felt like a betrayal somehow. He knew it wasn’t true. He knew that Inias would want him to move on, to love again. He just didn’t think Inias would like knowing how much more Castiel loved Dean. Castiel knew it didn’t matter though because the words were in the back of his throat. They were sitting there. Pushing upwards. On the tip of his tongue… 

“You don’t have to try so hard, Dean.” He swallowed back his guilt, looked straight into his lover’s eyes and spoke the truth. “I love you.”

Dean didn’t react for a long moment. He looked stunned. Castiel’s mind began to supply him with all the ways he had misread absolutely every interaction they had ever had. He was given only a moment to do that though because Dean was suddenly smiling wide and lunging towards him. Castiel was kissed so thoroughly he thought he might go blind from it. Dean’s lips pressed insistently against his and any remaining shreds of guilt slipped away. There was no guilt in this. Castiel was exactly where he was supposed to be, in Dean’s arms. 

They kissed for several moments before Dean pulled away abruptly, blurting, “I love you too. I-I’ve been trying to tell you, I just- Cas, man, I am so in love with you.”

Castiel let out a soft laugh. Dean’s excitement to affirm his feelings for him was extremely cute. Castiel didn’t dwell on his mind’s procurement of the adjective ‘cute’. Instead, Castiel pressed his lips against Dean’s again, this time both of their smiles prevented the kiss from becoming too heated. They pecked at each other’s lips, laughing as Castiel moved to straddle Dean’s lap. They cradled each other’s faces as they continued to kiss, the kisses turning less excited and playful and more heated and sensual. Castiel pulled away after a moment and looked down into Dean’s eyes.

“Did you have plans for this portion of the evening?”

“Well, we were supposed to be dancing when I told you I loved you, surrounded by candles.”

Castiel’s eyebrows rose. “How romantic.”

“Mhmm,” Dean nodded. “I was pulling out all the stops tonight.”

Castiel smiled and kissed Dean tenderly. “And after?”

“After dancing?” Castiel nodded. “Well, you see, I was trying to recreate the night we first kissed. You know, dinner, chess, candles…” 

“Me leaving you and running out into the storm?”

“Well, I thought we’d skip the bad bits.”

“If only,” Castiel smirked and began placing light kisses along Dean’s jaw. “I seem to remember you patching me up that night though, just as I’ve done to you tonight.”

“Mmm,” Dean agreed, his voice deeper. “You know, you’re right.”

“I like the sound of that,” Castiel replied, working his way down Dean’s neck. “You should say it more often.”

“That you’re right?”

“Yes.” Castiel flicked his tongue over Dean’s Adam’s apple and enjoyed the shiver it elicited. He rolled his hips against Dean’s and enjoyed that reaction even more. “You know, there is another part of our first night together that I think we’ll end up re-creating.”

Dean let out a soft groan as he lifted his hips to meet the roll of Castiel’s. “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

Castiel came back up to meet Dean’s gaze, staring down at him as his fingers worked their way underneath his T-shirt. 

“I don’t think we’ll be making it to your bedroom tonight either.” Dean closed his eyes and let out another soft moan as Castiel kissed his lips softly. “At least for round one.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? You think I'd leave you on a cliffhanger like that? Come on, you've got to know me better than that! This chapter is pure smut. If that's not your bag, feel free to skip it.

Castiel ground down harder onto Dean’s lap, kissing him deeply and pulling sounds from the firefighter that delighted them both. 

“Cas, you keep it up and I’m not gonna-“Dean rasped, but Castiel cut him off with another kiss. His hands snaked between their bodies and began unbuttoning Dean’s shorts. He slipped off his lap and slid to his knees as Dean lifted his hips and allowed his pants and boxers to be pulled down, releasing his cock. The doctor licked his lips at the sight of it. Dean knew what was coming next. He could tell by the way Castiel’s expression had changed from hungry to ravenous. 

Castiel pulled Dean’s pants and boxers completely off and tossed them behind him. His hands slid up and down Dean’s bare thighs as he reached up and kissed the firefighter again. Dean reciprocated eagerly, threading his hands through Castiel’s hair. The doctor’s tongue slid carefully around Dean’s, pushing in and out then swirling around, never allowing the firefighter to catch his breath. It was a preview, a teaser, of what was to come. 

Castiel’s hands slid up to Dean’s stomach and gripped him around the waist with the kind of strength Dean loved. He let out a groan of approval and bucked up against Castiel’s chest. His bare cock rubbed against the doctor’s button down shirt, sending shivers down his spine. 

“Take off your shirt, Cas,” Dean asked him breathlessly, but before he knew what was happening, Dean’s own shirt was up and over his head, discarded and forgotten. 

“In a minute,” Castiel replied as he kissed down Dean’s bare chest. “I’m busy.”

Dean let out a groan of frustration, but it was quickly followed by one of immense pleasure. Castiel lapped his tongue around his left nipple and sucked it into his mouth. Dean’s hands took on a life of their own at that point. They gripped Castiel’s shoulders roughly, squeezing and kneading for just a moment before he released him and bucked up again. 

“Cas,” Dean begged. There was too much air hitting his cock and not enough of Castiel’s mouth. To settle him, Castiel reached down and gave Dean one long, luxurious stroke, just as he pulled the firefighter’s other nipple into his mouth. “ _Fuck._ ”

“Hmm,” Castiel hummed as he kissed and licked his way down Dean’s abs. “Later. For now…” Castiel stroked him again, this time twisting his wrist slightly when he reached the tip. Dean cursed again. 

“You’ve been so…tense, lately.” Castiel used his other hand to gently stroke the inside of Dean’s thigh. “I want to help.” He reached up and placed his lips against Dean’s one last time, before ducking back down and kissing the tip of Dean’s cock. With one hand wrapped around the base and the other still gently stroking Dean’s thigh, Castiel began to lick up and down Dean’s length, wetting his shaft completely. He was aided by the drips of pre-come that Dean released as he groaned out Castiel’s name and buried his hands in the doctor’s hair once more. 

Dean loved Castiel’s hair. He loved the smell of it after they’d spent the afternoon in bed. He loved the look of it after they’d taken a shower together and Castiel had neglected to do anything to it afterward. But most of all, Dean loved the feel of Castiel’s soft tresses between his fingers as the doctor went down on him. 

Castiel worked his mouth over Dean’s shaft like it was something sacred. Dean did his best to keep his hips on the couch, but after Castiel started sucking him down in earnest, Castiel had to grip his hips and hold him there. 

“Cas, _ohmygod_ ,” Dean panted. Castiel hummed his own pleasure around Dean’s cock and it sent a jolt of fire deep into the firefighter’s abdomen. “ _Yes_.Just like that.”  
Castiel bobbed up and down on Dean’s cock for several moments, taking the time to caress him in all Dean’s favorite places. Dean could feel his pleasure pooling, building, readying to erupt, but it wasn’t until Castiel reached around to grip Dean’s ass and pull the firefighter deeper inside of his mouth that Dean’s vision blurred. 

_Fuck_!” Dean cried, eagerly participating in what had become something so much more intense. Castiel was pulling Dean’s ass back and forward as he swallowed down his cock. Dean was fucking his lover’s mouth and he was losing his mind at the sight of it. “Cas, I’m…. _shit_ ….Cas I’m- _ohgod_ …yeah…yeah…”

Castiel’s lips tightened around the tip of Dean’s cock the next time Dean’s ass pulled back and added such delicious pressure that Dean screamed his released the next time his cock hit the back of the doctor’s throat. Castiel swallowed it easily, well practiced by that point. He began unbuttoning his shirt before he had even completely released Dean’s cock from his mouth. While Dean’s chest continued to rise and fall quickly as he recuperated from his incredible orgasm, Castiel stood and continued taking off his shirt. Dean’s eyes were closed, still coming down from his high, but he could hear the rustle of fabric. When Castiel spoke, his voice was slightly hoarse and highly affected by the sight of the firefighter sated and sprawled out naked on the couch.

“When you can walk, meet me in the bedroom.”

Dean’s eyes shot open at the command, but Castiel was already turning away and walking down the hall, leaving his discarded shirt in his wake. He was lucky enough to get a glimpse of the doctor’s ass before Castiel disappeared from view. The feeling had returned to Dean’s legs, but he didn’t know if he could get going as quickly as his mind wanted him to. Dean knew that when he walked into the bedroom he was going to get fucked good and proper. He thrilled at the thought of it. It’d been a few weeks since he’d bottomed. The last few times they’d had sex there hadn’t been time for prep and before that Dean had spent an entire evening devoted to the doctor’s backside. He loved teasing Castiel, rimming him to near completion then pulling back just to bring him to the edge again. He loved the sounds the doctor made. That night Dean had tortured Castiel (and himself) for an hour before he finally slicked himself up and slid inside the doctor. Of course, they both came embarrassingly fast. Extended foreplay can do that to a guy.

Tonight though, it was Dean’s turn to feel Castiel moving inside of him. His cock stirred at the thought. With great effort, the naked firefighter pulled himself up from the couch and sauntered to his bedroom. 

“That was fucking amazing Cas,” he said as he turned the corner. “That thing you do at the end-“

Dean was struck silent by the scene that awaited him.

Castiel was completely naked and lying on the bed, one leg bent up as he stroked his cock in a slow and sensual rhythm. Dean swallowed the rest of his sentence. His boyfriend was so _unbelievably_ beautiful. The muscles in his abdomen flexed with every stroke as he bit down on his lower lip. Castiel’s other arm was angled behind his head as if he were a Playboy pinup and Dean’s bedroom was the set for Mr. November. There was a sparkle of mischief in the doctor’s eye and it drew Dean further into the room.

“I really wish you’d let me take a picture,” Dean said quietly, walking over to stand next to the bed. His fingers traced down Castiel’s stomach. “I’m going to want this memory for the rest of my life.” Instantly, Dean worried he’d said something far more intense and complicated than what he really meant, but Castiel only smiled. He reached for Dean’s hand using the hand not currently stroking his cock and rubbed the back of it with his thumb.

“How about I just promise to recreate the scene so often that you never forget?”

Dean could only smile in return at that, because what more could he ask for? He bent down and kissed Castiel, soft and chaste. It was a stark difference from the kind of kissing they had been doing in the living room, and even with Castiel’s hand still moving up and down over his own shaft, it was a sweet moment. When Dean pulled away, he did so only so he could climb on top of the doctor. As soon as he was straddling him and replaced Castiel’s hand with his own, Dean bent back down and renewed the kiss, this time adding his tongue and sweeping it across Castiel’s. He heard the snap of a lid and moments later a cool finger circled his entrance. Dean moaned and leaned into it, kissing Castiel passionately as the tip of the doctor’s finger breached him. He continued to stroke Castiel’s cock lazily, but the firefighter’s attention had been stolen by the doctor’s ministrations. Castiel didn’t seem to mind. When the first finger was fully inside, Castiel began to move it, angling it just right so-

“ _Ah_!” Dean cried, jerking his head up and pushing back harder against the doctor’s finger. “God I love that you’re a doctor.” He bent back down and kissed along Castiel’s jaw. “We should time you, see how fast you can- _ohmygodsweetjesusyes_ ”

“How fast I can what, Dean?” Castiel teased. He used his other hand to knead at Dean’s ass, an action Dean wasn’t sure who got more pleasure out of. After a few minutes, Castiel began inserting the second finger, just as Dean began to grind against Castiel’s cock instead of stroking it. After a few moments of this, his post-orgasm cock was back in its pre-orgasm position. 

“Lube,” Dean requested impatiently. He didn’t like dry cock on dry cock for very long. Castiel chuckled softly and placed the lube in his hand. “Thanks, ba-aabe,” Dean replied, just as Castiel crooked his finger again.

“Anytime.” Castiel smirked and Dean had to kiss it. As their tongues pushed together, Dean opened the bottle and slicked up their cocks. He ground back down and slid them together and both men moaned in pleasure. Castiel began to scissor Dean open in earnest, working his fingers back and forth as Dean rolled his hips against him. They kissed so deeply they lost their breath and were forced to part for air. 

“Cas, I’m ready. Come on,” Dean said as he caught his breath. He reached for the lube and put another generous slather on Castiel’s cock just as Castiel pulled his fingers out. Dean lined himself up and teased the tip of Castiel’s cock with his hole. The doctor shivered beneath him, biting his lip and bucking his hips up in search of what he wanted. “Now who’s impatient?” Dean replied, smirking as he brushed his hole up against Castiel’s tip again.

With that, Castiel let out a growl and grabbed Dean by the hip and thigh, throwing him to the side and moving with him at the same time, effectively switching their positions. 

“You do not get to tease me tonight, Winchester,” Castiel informed him gruffly right before kissing Dean so completely the firefighter saw stars. As they kissed, Castiel lined himself up with Dean’s hole and pushed in slowly, waiting a few moments every few inches to be sure Dean could handle more. Dean lifted his hips into it, practically begging for more with every inch the doctor slid inside of him. The feel of Castiel’s flesh inside of him did things to Dean that nothing else could. They’d stopped using condoms the moment their tests had come back clear and hadn’t touched them since. Dean didn’t want anything between them. 

When their hips met and Castiel was fully inside of Dean, the doctor pulled out slowly then snapped back in at just the right angle, pulling a cry from Dean that the neighbors would complain about later. He did it again and again, taking a break to grind against the firefighter for a moment only to pull out and push back in again. They built a steady rhythm, their bodies moving together in a way that was now practiced, but not predictable. Castiel still surprised him with little flicks of his hips or rolls of his tongue against his neck. The doctor grabbed at the back of Dean’s neck for leverage as he began to move faster. Dean reached around and pulled at Castiel’s ass, pushing harder against him, fucking up just as he was getting fucked down. 

“Dean,” Castiel warned. With his tongue, Dean could feel the doctor’s pulse in his neck. It was racing. A bead of sweat began to drip down Castiel’s temple. “ _Dean_ ”

“Yeah,” Dean panted. He reached between them and wrapped his hand around his own cock. “Me too, Cas. Me too.” His cock was still slick. His hand slid up and down easily as Dean stroked himself at a brutal pace. Castiel angled his thrusts so that he was hitting just the right spot every time he pushed into Dean. “Yes, right… _oh god_ right there… _Cas_.”

“Dean,” Castiel repeated. Their foreheads came together as Castiel thrust into him faster and faster. “I love you so much, I- Dean, I-“

Just as Castiel was being reduced to a gibberish mess, Dean came for the second time that night. He felt Castiel’s release inside of him just as the doctor moaned out his pleasure above him. Dean’s stomach was a mess now, but that didn’t stop Castiel from collapsing on top of him. With the hand not covered in come, Dean stroked Castiel’s back moving up to his hair when the doctor let out little moans. 

It wouldn’t be unprecedented for Castiel to just fall asleep right then and there, with the doctor’s odd sleep schedule he could be narcoleptic at times, but Dean knew he was still awake. He knew it because when Dean tilted his head and kissed the doctor’s cheek, Castiel buried his face in the firefighter’s neck.

And when Dean whispered, “I love you too”, Castiel kissed him back.


	8. Chapter Eight

_Heat._

_It’s not something Dean is afraid of. He is used to heat. He is familiar with heat._

_But this…_

_This heat was different._

_It surrounded him in a way that began to suffocate him. Seeping into his lungs, stealing his breath. There was fire in his blood. Ash replacing skin._

_Someone was crying. Dean could hear it so clearly. At first, he was sure it was him, but then the haze of smoke cleared and suddenly he was standing in a room with Alex Jones, her body a heap on the floor in a room being consumed by fire. Completely ablaze, the room was unrecognizable, but Dean still knew it. Alex lay on the ground, crying, and Dean was frozen in the desert he’d created for himself. When his lips moved, trying to speak to her, no sound came out. When he tried again, the voice was not his own. It was Alex’s._

_“Please, help me. It’s…too much.” The words fell from his lips, but they didn’t make any sense to him._

_The world turned in on itself and then he was kneeling beside her, stroking her hair in comfort. Dean tried to soothe her with words, but once again he had no control over his voice._

_“I don’t know how to do this. Tell me how to do this.”_

_Alex didn’t respond. She curled in on herself and continued to cry. Her arm was heavily bandaged, her clothes soaked in blood. Dean wanted to take her pain away, but he didn’t know how. The heat around him threatened to pull him away, melt his body into the floor he knelt on, but Dean’s only focus was Alex._

_“It hurts.” The whisper pushed through Dean’s lips, followed by what could only be described as a whimper. “So much…there’s too much.”_

_Dean wanted to scream. He didn’t understand and yet…he did._

_It was too much._

_There was a weight on him and it wasn’t his uniform. That had disappeared. He was barely clothed and yet it suddenly felt like there were hundreds of pounds worth of protection claiming his body.  
It began to crush him. _

_Dean fell to the floor beside Alex, his chest caving in, his bones breaking under the pressure._

_He tried to cry out, but the sound that escaped, the only sound that filled the room, was the sound of Alex’s whimpers._

“Dean!” 

Dean felt himself being shoved, his body shaking against its will.

“Dean, wake up!”

The heat from the fire, the pain from the bone-crushing pressure, they lingered as Dean’s eyes shot open. He was sweating, his body felt overly moist and incredibly uncomfortable. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest. His breath came far too quickly. Castiel was lying beside him, looking incredibly concerned with his hand on Dean’s arm. Dean closed his eyes again. 

“You were having a nightmare,” Castiel said carefully. There was something in his tone that Dean didn’t like. It felt like an accusation.

“Yeah, I was there.”

“Here, take this.” Dean opened his eyes to find a glass of water being pushed into his hand. When he took it, Castiel climbed out of bed and flipped on the lights. “I’ll get another set of sheets.”  
Dean didn’t respond. Instead, he sipped the water until the ash in his throat no longer haunted him. When the glass was empty, Dean pulled himself out of the sweat soaked bed and tried to keep his breathing even. His naked body prickled from the combination of sweat and air conditioning. 

It was just a dream. A nightmare. Everything was fine. 

He heard Castiel return and turned towards him. The doctor looked like he was having a fight with himself, but the lines between his brow told Dean how worried his boyfriend was.

“Sorry,” Dean said quietly as he began stripping the bed. 

“No need to apologize, Dean,” Castiel replied. He helped Dean pull the wet sheets off the bed and began replacing them. “Was it-Can you tell me about it?”

Dean didn’t answer right away. He took the other side of the fitted sheet and tucked it over the mattress. He didn’t meet Castiel’s gaze when the doctor tossed the other side of the top sheet to him or when Castiel whispered his name, a silent plea for the firefighter to open up to him. It wasn’t until they were both back in bed, under the cover of darkness, that Dean responded. 

“It was a fire,” Dean said quietly. He was terrified of what Castiel would say about this, but Charlie was right. Dean had to talk to Castiel. He was going through something big and he knew his relationship with Castiel had something to do with it. Dean needed to talk to Castiel about it, and if they truly loved each other, they would work it out.

“A fire?” Castiel replied immediately, turning on his side to face Dean. Dean turned to meet his inquiring gaze. 

“Yeah,” Dean nodded. “It was…everywhere and the girl from the accident was there. I couldn’t do anything to help her.”

“I’m so sorry, Dean,” Castiel replied, reaching up to stroke his fingers through Dean’s hair. “That must have been so terrible.”  
Dean nodded again, this time keeping his gaze down, his chin pulled close to his chest.

“That’s…not all.”

The hand in his hair stalled, frozen for a moment in time before it traveled down to Dean’s face and cupped his chin. Castiel gently lifted Dean’s face upwards so that their eyes met.

“Whatever it is, you can talk to me,” Castiel whispered. “I love you, Dean. There isn’t anything you could say that would change that.”

A small smile pulled at Dean’s lips. 

“I know.” He paused then let out a small sigh. “Actually, I didn’t know. Not until tonight. Not for sure, at least. I think that’s what’s been holding me back from talking to you about…about this. I don’t want to lose you, Cas.”

“Hey,” Castiel responded, this time taking Dean’s face in both his hands and bringing their faces together. “That’s not going to happen.” He kissed him softly, a gentle peck that sent warmth and comfort through Dean’s body. “I’m not going anywhere.”

They kissed again, then settled back into their pillows, eyes soft and only on each other.

“Well, I think that’s the real issue, Cas,” Dean said after a moment. “It wasn’t just the fire that had me freaking out in the nightmare, it was this _weight_. It felt like I had thousands of pounds crushing my body and I just- I didn’t know how to deal.”

Castiel’s brow furrowed. “Do you think we are moving too quickly? Are you feeling pressure to-“

Dean shook his head quickly. “No. That’s not it. If anything, I’m probably ahead of the curve when it comes to us.” He could feel the blush rise to his cheeks at the admission but pushed on before Castiel could comment on it. “No, the pressure…it’s different. It’s…” Dean paused again, this time taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. He just had to say it. “I feel like at some point I’m going to have to quit my job to keep you ,and I don’t want to do that.”

Castiel started, his face morphing into one of confusion. “What?”

“Ever since I’ve been back, I’ve been freaking out over every little thing and I couldn’t explain it. Then I talked to Charlie and she totally shrinked me. Apparently, I’m too afraid to talk to you about work issues because I’m afraid you’ll tell me to quit, and so I bottle everything up and it just ends up following me around,” Dean admitted in a rush. There was more to it, but he wanted to get this part over with first.

“Dean,” Castiel shook his head, apparently at a loss for words, then sat up in bed. “I apologize if I’ve given you the impression that you can’t talk to me about your job. It’s no secret that I do not like what you do, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to share with me. I’m never going to overcome my issues with your profession if you just block me out of it completely.”

Dean joined Castiel in sitting up and turned towards him. “I get that, I do. It’s just…I really don’t want to do anything to mess this up, and I’m freaking terrified that at some point you’re going to tell me to quit, and I’m going to tell you “no” and then we’ll just…”

“What? Have an argument?”

“Or worse.”

Castiel took Dean’s hand and woven their fingers together. “Dean, I promise never to recommend that you quit your job. Okay?”

Dean felt like a weight the size of a small country was lifted from his shoulders.

“Okay,” Dean replied, smiling. They leaned into one another and kissed again. This kiss lingered, overwhelming Dean with the love they had for one another. When Castiel pulled back, he brought the hand not holding Dean’s up to Dean’s face and stroked his thumb along Dean’s cheek.

“Is that all that’s been bothering you?”

Dean’s smile pulled into a small frown, an unspoken answer to Castiel’s question. Dean didn’t know how to broach this part of the problem, not exactly. He still hadn’t told Castiel about his visits to Inias’ grave and talking about how Dean was terrified of putting Castiel through the pain of losing another lover seemed like the perfect time to fess up. 

“What?” Castiel asked gently. “Tell me.”

“Well,” Dean started. “I guess I’m…there’s this thing.” He looked down at their hands and smiled bittersweetly. “It’s Inias.”

“Inias?” Castiel repeated. His face had morphed from concern to something more fearful. “What about him?”

“He died,” Dean said bluntly, far more than he meant to. He pushed through anyway. “And I’m scared that if I die you’ll go through…” He stopped himself from saying something that would equate Castiel’s love for him to his love for Inias. Dean knew better than that. “If I die, you’ll lose someone else that you love and I don’t want you to ever go through something like that again.”

“Dean-“

“I’ve never been afraid to die, Cas. There’s been that little voice in the back of my head that keeps me from doing anything too stupid, third story jumps aside, but I’ve always accepted that death is a possibility. Saving lives is worth the risk. At least, it always has been for me. Now that we’re together though, I can’t accept that anymore. I can’t die, and it terrifies me that I could.”

Castiel didn’t speak for a long time. Dean could tell he was trying to figure out what he wanted to say. When he did speak, Castiel’s voice was rough. Like maybe he was close to tears.

“Dean, I…I don’t know how to address this,” Castiel sighed. “Losing Inias was…it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you are so worried about putting me through it again. I…” His face crumpled slightly then he leaned forward and kissed Dean again. His voice was soft when he spoke. “Thank you.”

He leaned back and let out another breath, this time a bit harsher. “Thank you, but I don’t want you thinking like this. It isn’t healthy. I would appreciate it if you do what you can to keep yourself safe and out of harm’s way, but that’s all you can do. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.”

“I don’t know how not to, Cas,” Dean responded. “You lost the love of your life. If you lose the next guy too-“

“Stop,” Castiel cut him off. He pulled his hand from Dean’s and raised it up to further signal Dean to shut up. “Dean, you’re not “the next guy”. Don’t talk about yourself that way.”

Dean was startled by the comment and didn’t know how to respond to it. He stumbled around his words. “Cas, it’s fine- I’m not…it’s not like I don’t understand. I do. I get it. Inias was-“

“Dean,” Castiel interrupted him again. “Please shut up.”

Dean didn’t know what to do. He’d obviously said the wrong thing but he didn’t know what it was. Was he never supposed to bring up Inias again? If so, telling Castiel that he had been visiting his grave wouldn’t go well. “Cas-“

“You are operating under the assumption that you mean less to me than Inias did,” Castiel said firmly. “Please don’t.”

“Cas-“

“I know I said we should open up and talk to each other about things but this…Dean, I’m sorry. I’m not ready to talk to you about…about this.” Castiel replaced his hand in Dean’s and squeezed it gently. “But please know that I love you and will find a way to discuss this more in the future.”

Dean was dumbfounded. He wasn’t put out that Castiel didn’t want to talk about Inias, but he was extremely confused about whatever it was Castiel was holding back. Castiel had said he wasn’t ready to discuss it yet, though, so Dean was going to respect that. Relationships took trust and Dean trusted Castiel to come to him when he was ready. 

“Okay, Cas,” Dean replied, smiling. “No problem.”

Castiel’s answering smile was weighted, but it was there. “Thank you.”

They leaned into one another again, kissing softly and then melting into each other as they fell back asleep in each other’s arms. 

Dean and Castiel had entered into a new phase of their relationship. 

A phase where trust replaced uncertainty and love replaced doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm..Cas is still holding something back...but at at least they are communicating now! What's next for these two do you think??


	9. Chapter Nine

The next day, Dean went to the hospital to check on Alex and have lunch with Charlie and Jo before his shift that night. The nurse standing at the nurse’s station near Alex’s room was reading over a chart and jotting down a few notes when he approached him.

“Hey, uh, I’m Dean Winchester, one of the first responders to Alex’s accident,” Dean said with a smile. “How’s she doin’?”

The man eyed Dean cautiously but seemed to like what he saw because his expression softened a moment later.

“She’s pulling through. The poor thing is going to need physical therapy for the better part of her adolescence, but we think she’ll keep her arm. She’s sulking right now, so it may not be the best time for a visit.”

“Sulking?” Dean questioned. He didn’t love the implication that a young girl who had lost both her parents and had severe injuries herself, was somehow in the wrong for feeling morose about her situation.

“She’s a good kid, but… yeah. Enter at your own risk, man,” the nurse replied. “Just a friendly warning.”

Dean scowled at the nurse as he turned and walked down the hall, disappearing into another patient’s room. He debated with himself over whether he should go in to see Alex. He didn’t want to bother her; especially since it was doubtful she would remember him. Most people don’t remember accidents all that well and she was either asleep or high out of her mind the other times he’s visited. Something in him had to see her though, had to make sure she was okay. The look in her eyes that day as she laid out on the pavement… it haunted him. Then, with last night’s dream, Dean was sure seeing Alex was the best thing for him. If it was good for her though, he couldn’t be sure. 

Dean took a deep breath as he eyed the numbers outside of Alex’s room, confirming them in his mind once more before heading toward it. The door was open, the room dim. He knocked softly on the door and waited for a response. When none came, Dean poked his head in and slowly moved around the corner so he could see the hospital bed. Expecting to find the young woman asleep, Dean was shocked still when her eyes were open and hard on his. She was more than alert as her eyes narrowed in on his form.

“Why are you skulking in the shadows?” she asked. “That’s creepy.”

Dean let out a laugh.

“Sorry, kid. Thought you might be sleeping.” He stepped around the corner and moved closer to the center of the room.

“I’ve got a button here that brings that prick of a nurse back in,” she replied. “You could probably take him, but I bet he’d call security before you did any real damage.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh again. He raised his hands in defense.

“No need, little lady. I mean you no harm.” He stepped back to show her he meant what he said. “Name’s Dean. I was one of the firefighters that helped you after your accident.” Alex locked eyes with Dean for a long moment, almost as if she were trying to read his mind, but then Dean realized she was just trying to recognize him, place his face in her mind. “It’s alright if you don’t remember me. Most vic- uh, most people don’t remember much about their trauma.”

“Trauma,” Alex whispered back with a huff. She rolled her eyes. “That’s one word for it.”

Dean didn’t know how to reply to that. Alex had undoubtedly been through a horrible trauma, both physically and emotionally. Her left arm was bandaged from hand to shoulder. There were also bandages on her face and neck. Her uninjured arm was pulled across her belly, anxious and defensive at the same time. Dean pointed towards a chair in the corner and raised his eyebrows in question.

“May I?”

Alex followed his gaze and then rolled her eyes again, letting out a loud breath. She turned her face away from him. “Knock yourself out.”

Dean took that as a good sign and pulled the chair in the corner closer to the bed. He sat down and crossed his leg at his knee. He winced slightly as his bad leg groaned against the position. He adjusted, then looked up to find Alex staring at him again.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked, her tone accusatory. 

“Bum leg,” Dean answered simply. “Jumped out of a window.”

“Well that was stupid,” She retorted.

“My boyfriend agrees.” Dean smiled and shrugged. “Had to be done though.”

She didn’t seem to have anything to say to that. The room fell into silence. 

Dean thought about what he would want if he were here. If he had woken up and found out both of his parents were dead; if his arm was just barely attached to his body. If he were fifteen and surely and the world definitely seemed to be out to get him. He struggled with his thoughts for a long time. Alex eventually grew restless with the silence and let out a frustrated groan.

“So is this a savior complex thing? Am I supposed to thank you now?”

Dean, confused by the outburst, blinked several times before shaking his head.

“No, no. Nothing like that,” Dean replied. “Not looking for your thanks, kid.”

“Then what do you want?” She asked. “And I’m not a kid.”

“Right. Sorry.” Dean smirked. “I just wanted to see if you were-“

“Okay?” Alex interrupts. “Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?”

Dean thought about it and then, yes, he did realize how ridiculous it sounded.

“Yeah, I guess I do. Sorry.”

“I’m not okay,” She said, her voice strained. “My arm is so fucked up they aren’t even sure if I’ll get to keep it. I’ve got a tube up my pee hole that burns like a bitch. There’s a bucket under my bed that I’m supposed to shit in with some asshole staring at me while I do it. My back is killing me and it feels like someone poured icy hot in my gut. And you, what? Expect me to thank you? Oh, thank you, Mr. Firefighter man. Thank you for saving my life so I could live on to experience this hell on earth.”

“Alex-“Dean tried to soothe, but she kept going.

“Oh, and then there’s the whole thing where my parents are dead. I’m completely alone.” She paused, tears springing to her eyes. “But don’t worry. That one’s on me, not you.” Dean decided not to comment on the beginning part of her outburst and just concentrate on the last bit. He did make a mental note to tell her nurse about the issue with her catheter, though.

“Alex, your parent’s death isn’t your fault,” He said carefully, thoughtfully. “I know it can feel that way. Survivor’s guilt can be a real bitch sometimes, but I promise-“

“You can’t promise shit,” She shot back. “You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve done, what I _did_. Trust me, if it weren’t for me, my parents would still be alive.”

Dean took that thought and let it marinate. What Alex said could be true, who was he to tell her it wasn’t. If Sam hadn’t been born, would Dean’s mom still be alive? Without Sam’s dog pulling her back inside their burning house, would Mary Winchester still be around? Maybe. It’s just too big to think about that way, though. Too many variables. 

“Okay,” Dean replied. “Say you’re right. How do you know they wouldn’t have died sooner if _not_ for you? Who’s to say having you around didn’t keep them alive longer than they would have without you?”

Alex had no response for that. She pursed her lips, an irritated expression that made Dean feel both triumphant and sad at the same time. 

“Listen, Alex,” Dean continued. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. No matter the cause, you can’t blame yourself. It isn’t healthy.”

“Don’t you get it?” Alex spit back. “I don’t _want_ to be healthy. I don’t want to get better. You saved the wrong person. You should have just let me die.”

Depression was a very common symptom among trauma victims, but something told Dean Alex’s struggle with mental illness preceded the accident. He wondered if her doctors knew about it. 

“No matter what your mind is telling you,” Dean replied carefully. “I absolutely saved the right person. You are worth saving, Alex. It may not feel like it right now, but you are-“

“Save the psycho babble, okay?” Alex cut in. “I don’t want to hear it. Just… just leave me alone.”

“Alex-“

“No!” Alex shouted back. “Just go! Get out!”

Dean stood abruptly, hands raised once more.

“Okay, okay, I’m leaving. Calm down.” Dean took one step towards the door but then was stopped by the machines by Alex’s bed that began to chime, loud and insistent. Her heart rate was climbing. 

Tears began to stream down her face. Her body shook and crumpled in on itself.

“I-I” She tried to talk but sobs overtook her. “Please-“ 

“Alex,” Dean soothed, “Hey…” He moved cautiously towards the bed. When she didn’t scream at him again, Dean placed his hand on her shoulder. She leaned into his hand and continued to cry. Encouraged, Dean leaned down and pulled the crying girl into his arms. She immediately went limp and let herself be held. She cried like Dean imagined she had when she found out her parents had died. It was then that Dean realized she never had. These were her first tears. She had held on for so long. She was so unbelievably strong. Dean was instantly in awe of her.  
Dean stroked her hair as he soothed her, and Alex continued to cry.

****

“Rough start of the day,” Jo said through her bite of sandwich. “I feel for ya.”

Dean nodded and pushed a French fry through his lips. “Yeah. She was a wreck.” 

“Understandable,” Charlie supplied. “I mean, she lost her parents and… well, you know. She’s not exactly out of the woods herself. She has to be so scared.”

“Any word on other family?” Dean asked. He pushed away the rest of his lunch. He wasn’t really hungry. 

“I don’t know,” Charlie shrugged. “I think Social Services are being called.”

“Poor kid,” Jo replied. 

Dean winced at the nickname, knowing how Alex would hate to hear it. “Well, I told her I’d come and see her tomorrow. Maybe her doctor will update me.”

Charlie raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Dr. Uriel? No way. He’s by the book, Dean.” She shook her head. “He’s not telling you anything. I’ll take a peek at her chart next time I’m over there if I can.”

“Thanks, Charlie.” Dean smiled at her. 

“Well, not to be the callous subject changer or anything,” Jo interjected, “but are you and Cas ready to party tomorrow night?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “No.”

“Don’t be like that!” Charlie chastised, taking one of Dean’s French fries and throwing it at him. “Be excited! It’s going to be so much fun! I’ve got your costumes all-ready so all you have to do is show up!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Dean replied. “Still want us to help set up?”

“That’d be a huge help, yeah. Jo has to work until eight so she won’t be there until a little later. Plus, you’ll want to change before the party starts.” She winks at Dean in a way that made Dean fear for the following night.

“It's not pink and fluffy, is it?” Dean complained.

The girls laughed. 

“No, definitely not,” Jo responded.

“Makeup required?”

Charlie thought about it and then shrugged. “Maybe a little eye work. Nothing fancy.”

Dean sighed, resigned to his fate.

“There’s a good boy,” Jo teased. “Just let it happen.”

“You’re so not funny,” Dean replied.

“I think she’s hilarious,” Charlie responded. She leaned over and placed a kiss on Jo’s cheek. 

“I better go,” Jo said after kissing Charlie back. “Gotta appointment in five.” She got up from the table and tossed Dean a wave as she walked away. “See you tomorrow, Dean. Hope you don’t have a latex allergy!”

Dean’s face instantly morphed into one of extreme displeasure, all of it directed at Charlie. She just smiled innocently.

“So, how's everything with you and Castiel?” She asked, changing the subject to save her from Dean’s wrath.

Dean debated complaining again about the whole, secret costume thing, but decided against it. He had good news to share and after his morning with Alex, he was glad to have something happy to talk about.

“We talked everything through,” He said with a smile. His appetite made a sudden return and Dean picked up his once abandoned BLT and took a bite. “Exchanged L words.”

Charlie squealed as she clapped her hands with glee. “Yes! Dean, that’s so awesome! I’m so happy for you guys!”

Dean smiled back, all teeth and gums. “Me too. I’m feeling pretty awesome.”

“Oh my god, you two are so going to get married and adopt the cutest-“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Dean cut in. “Let me stop you right there, Charlie.”

“I didn’t mean right now!” Charlie replied. “I meant in like, five years or something. You know you’re perfect for each other.”

Dean shrugged.

“Yeah, I think so too.” The admission pulled blush to his cheeks and Dean mentally begged Charlie not to mention it.

She opened her mouth to respond, but then stopped. He could tell she wanted to say something else, but she restrained herself. Instead, she just smiled at him like she was proud of him. 

“You know something, Dean?” She said after a moment, once she had gone back to her lunch. “I kinda love you.”

Dean’s smile grew big again. He picked up one of his French fries and tossed it in Charlie’s direction.

“You know what, Charlie? I kinda love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Halloween party is up next! AND a little surprise ;)


	10. Chapter 10

Dean half-walked, half-hobbled through Charlie’s doorway an hour before the party was set to begin. With his arms full of bags of decorations she requested he pick up, Dean could just barely get through the door before dropping everything on the ground.

“Careful!” Charlie exclaimed as she rushed the door to help him. “Did you get the candles?”

Dean glared at her as she pulled bags from his hands and put them on her kitchen table. “Oh, Hi Dean. Thanks for helping me out with this. Oh, no problem Charlie. Always happy to lend a friend a hand.”

When he was finished with both sides of the conversation, Charlie smiled sweetly at him. The picture of innocence.

“Hello, Dean. Thank you ever so much for your help.” She batted her eyelashes at him in a way that Dean felt pretty sure she had never done before in her life. She looked like she was having a seizure.

“Alright, alright. Don’t hurt yourself.” Dean began pulling items from the bags, grimacing as his hand closed around one of the screaming witch decorations. “I can’t believe this was on your list.”

“It's on theme!” Charlie replied indignantly. “Did you get the candles or not?” She began searching through the bags.

“You mean these?” Dean held up a bag full of pumpkin and skeleton candles that Charlie had specifically requested. He handed them to her. “I got ‘em.”

Charlie sighed in relief. “You’re a lifesaver. We haven’t really done much to the place since we moved back in after the fire. I didn’t have a chance to clean, and Jo’s been working double shifts to save up and things have been so-“

“It’s no big deal,” Dean replied. “I actually kind of enjoyed it.” He pulled several large orange pumpkins from one of the bags and cringed. “Except the glitter. Why is there glitter on everything? It just gets everywhere.”

“Oh hush,” Charlie shook her head. “Just put those up on the walls around the living room and hallway. The DJ will be here to set up soon so I want to have the decorations set up before then. I don’t want to get in his way.”

“A DJ?” Dean questioned as he went in search of tape. “So this is like a legit party then?”

“You know it,” Charlie answered. “We’re going all out this year.”

“Did you, like, audition people?”

Charlie shook her head again as she began strategically placing candles and spider webs. “More like I put an ad on Craigslist and this guy was the only one to answer.”

“Nice,” Dean replied with a laugh. He began taping the orange pumpkins on to the wall. “This should be good.”

“Let’s hope so!” Charlie said, her excitement nearly boiling over. “I’m going to work on the bathroom.” She held up black-light light bulbs and a few severed hands and feet. “If the DJ comes, just tell him to set up in the corner.”

“Got it,” Dean answered. He worked methodically around the living room and hallway as Charlie requested, sticking orange pumpkins to the wall every so often. After about five minutes of silence, there was a knock on the door. 

“Hold on a sec,” Dean called. He put the remaining pumpkins on the table before opening the door and immediately inhaling more pot smoke than he had in all his college years. “Oh, wow, hey dude.” Dean tried to cover his reaction, but couldn’t help a few subtle coughs. “Um, you’re the DJ?”

The guy had dreadlocks to the middle of his chest and a beard almost as long. He wore large sunglasses in the shape of marijuana leaves and a shirt with several naked women on it. When he smiled, some of his teeth were missing and the ones that were left were yellowed beyond repair. 

“That’s me,” the man said. “Richard. But I like Dick just fine.”

“Yeah me too,” Dean said under his breath as he moved aside to let the man in. He coughed again to hide his little joke. “Well, uh, Charlie said you could set up over there. You need help with your equipment?”

“Nah,” Dick replied. “I got a thing.” He took one look at where Dean was pointing then headed back out into the hall where his equipment was already loaded onto a dolly. 

“Okay, cool,” Dean said, feeling awkward. “Well, I’ll just…” He gestured towards the bags of decorations that had yet to be put up.

“Yeah, yeah, man,” Dick replied. “You do you.”

Dean refrained from letting another joke slip through his lips, instead focusing his attention on the left over pumpkins that needed to be put up. He’d start working on the orange fairy lights next. Dick pulled his equipment into the apartment a few moments later and began setting up his station in the corner. He worked quietly, but Dean could tell the man was looking at him from time to time.

“So, you been doin’ this long?” Dean asked, aiming for casual. 

“Yeah, man,” Dick answered. He didn’t look up from his station as he put speakers in their place and plugged several things into the wall. He kept his glasses on as he worked, which Dean assumed was to hide his massively glassed over eyes. “You know how it is.”

“Uh, sure. Yeah.” Dean nodded as if he had a clue to what the man was referring to and desperately craved Charlie’s return. Like an angel descending from the heavens when called, Charlie appeared in the hallway a second later.

“Oh, good! You’re already setting up!” She walked across the living room and held her hand out for Dick to shake. “I’m Charlie.”

“Hey,” Dick replied softly. “Nice digs.”

“Thanks,” Charlie responded with a smile. “Did you get my playlist samples? I didn’t hear back-”

“Yeah,” Dick cut her off with a wave of his hand and stepped around his station and into her personal space. “No worries, my lady. It’s all about you tonight. Is it the big 2-1?”

“What?” Charlie asked, looking back at Dean for help. He found none for her. “This is a Halloween party.”

Dick’s very large and bushy eyebrows furrowed together. He looked around the room and seemed to take in his surroundings for the very first time. After a second he looked back at Charlie and gave her a sparse and yellow-toothed smile. “Right on.”

“Is that going to be a problem?”

“Nah,” He replied. “Easy peasy my lemon squeezy.”

Charlie, clearly baffled, looked back at Dean with raised eyebrows and a slightly anxious look on her face. He mouthed back “Craigslist” and suppressed a laugh as he moved into the kitchen and replaced the light bulbs in there with orange ones. 

They finished setting up the house in relative silence, aside from Dick’s occasional sound check. It wasn’t too long though before Castiel walked through the front door with several cases of beer and three bottles of wine. Dean was fond of the slim-fitted blue, button-down shirt the doctor was wearing and was instantly reminded of their required costumes that had yet to be revealed. He grumbled as he sprayed webbing along the counter tops. 

“Another life saver!” Charlie called as Castiel walked in. “I’ll write you guys a check.”

“It’s not a problem,” Castiel replied. “I’m glad I could help.” 

He walked into the kitchen, and with Dean’s help, filled several buckets with ice and beer as Charlie worked on setting out snacks. After a couple minutes, the kitchen was done and Charlie was checking the time on her phone. 

“Oh shit,” She cried. “We’ve got fifteen minutes to get ready!”

Castiel and Dean shared an anxious look.

“If it takes longer than two minutes for me to get into costume we are going to have a problem, Charlie,” Dean threatened. Castiel nodded his agreement.

“Yes, I don’t-“

“Oh, hush you two,” Charlie chirped. She was much too excited for Dean’s liking. She began pushing them both towards her bedroom. “In you go. In you go!”

“Charlie, what-?” Dean tried to argue, but it was no use.

She opened her door wide and gestured the men inside. When both men took weary steps inside her bedroom, Charlie gave them a mischievous smile.

“Your costumes are on the back of this door. You can get ready in here and I’ll change in the guest room.” She winked and then she shut the door, leaving Castiel and Dean to their fate.

As soon as the door was shut, Dean groaned and dropped his head into his hands. Castiel let out a loud, full on belly laugh. 

“Well, I think we both know which one is mine!”

***

Dean sipped his beer leisurely, watching Castiel dance with Charlie and Jo to a song he had never heard before but would now play on repeat anytime he masturbated to thoughts of Castiel. His eyes didn’t leave the doctor as Castiel swayed and rolled his hips, taking in the long lines of tight, black spandex. The mask covered one of Dean’s favorite parts of Castiel’s face, the little lines around his eyes, but he had a good view of the doctor’s smile. 

“You two are so cute I could vomit,” a voice lightly coated in a British accent said from beside him. It took Dean a moment to realize what the pretty brunette dressed as a penguin had said.

“Oh, thanks,” Dean smiled. 

“Your costumes are vomit-inducing cute too,” the penguin said. “I couldn’t get my boyfriend to do a couples thing.” She pointed across the room to a guy dressed like Jack Sparrow. “He says he’s Captain Morgan.” She shook her head in an irritated fashion. “I wonder how many times he plans on doing the knee thing.” Just as the words left her mouth, the boyfriend did his best version of Captain Morgan’s pose. Penguin sighed. “That makes ten.”

Dean laughed in sympathy.

“At least your costume looks comfortable,” He said. “I’ve been picking spandex out of my ass for the last hour.”

“But you look totally bad-ass,” She countered. “Not many men can pull off green Speedos and a yellow cape.”

Dean looked down at himself and sighed. He was Robin to Castiel’s Batman.

Of course, Charlie would get Castiel a Batman costume. It was the first thing Dean remembered about him. It was the memory everyone tortured him with whenever they felt the need. Dean was stupid not to figure it out sooner. Why he had to be Robin was the question he came to Charlie with, but she was quick to reply,

“Couple’s costumes are so cute! Everyone knows Batman and Robin were knocking utility boots.”

So Dean was forced into his little bitty costume. Castiel didn’t even try to refrain from ogling him. Dean pretended to be annoyed but secretly enjoyed the attention. When Charlie noticed the still healing scar on his thigh from his injury earlier in the year, she cringed and started to apologize, but Dean stopped her. 

“Battle scars are sexy.”

Castiel pulled Dean in for a kiss immediately, if only to prove his assertion correct.

But that was almost an hour ago and now Dean is staring longingly after his boyfriend and trading casual conversation with a penguin. He imagined things could be worse. 

“Thanks,” Dean replied after the penguin complimented his Robin costume. “At least I’m staying cool in here. You’ve got to be sweltering.”

“Well, I’ve got a sexy penguin outfit under here,” she replied. “Spandex and a little bow-tie.”

Dean raised his eyebrows in appreciation.

“Yep,” She said, proudly. “Give me another couple of these,” She raised her glass of wine up. “And I’ll be shedding this furry in no time.”

Dean laughed. “You know what, penguin? I didn’t catch your name.” 

“Bela,” She replied with a smirk. “Bela Talbot. You’re Dean, right?”

“Yep,” Dean nodded. “How do you know Charlie?”

“I don’t,” She replied after a few moments. She lifted her lips into a mischievous smirk. “Will you rat out a party crasher?”

Dean laughed again. “Not unless you plan on stealing shit. You plan on stealing shit?”

“I was,” She shrugged and moved a little closer. “But I think I like you.”

Dean raised one eyebrow. “And Captain Morgan?”

“Never met the man in my life,” She replied simply. “I live a few floors up and heard there was a party here tonight. Thought I’d get my free booze on.”

“Clever girl,” Dean chuckled. He had to hand it to her, it was a good plan. “How’d you know my name?”

“Oh,” She sighed as she took another sip. “I overheard Black Widow and Wonder Woman going on about how in love Dean and Castiel are and taking bets on the wedding. I learned Castiel’s name at the DJ sign up booth a few minutes ago and after I got over my contact high from sharing air with Dick, I wandered over here to Batman’s counterpart.”

“You’re something,” Dean replied, impressed. He scowled as he registered the wedding comment. “I wish they’d stop doing that.”

“What?”

“Talking about me and Cas gettin’ married,” Dean replied, letting out a long sigh. The DJ began playing a new song, an R&B hit Dean couldn’t remember the name of. “I don’t like the pressure.”

“Well,” Bela replied. “It’s pretty obvious, even to a complete stranger like me, that you two are gaga for each other. It’s only natural to assume you’ll get hitched.”

“I guess so,” Dean responded, unconvinced.

“You don’t think you will?”

“I don’t like counting my chickens until they’re hatched.”

“You Americans are so weird with your analogies,” Bela rolls her eyes. “But I understand what you’re saying. It’s probably smart, thinking that way. You never know what can happen.”

Dean frowned and sipped his beer again. The DJ began scratching another song onto the one that was currently playing. It reminded Dean of a 90’s hip-hop song that was essentially a compilation of sex sounds. 

“Yeah,” Dean replied. “What about you? If not Captain Morgan, then who?”

“No one here,” Bela responded with a huff. “Maybe Deadpool over there in the corner.”

“You can’t even see his face,” Dean laughed.

“That’s rather the point, love,” Bella smirked. “Pity you’re taken. I think we could have some fun together.”

“A year ago I might have taken you up on that,” Dean replied with a sigh. “But now…”

“Now you’re a goner,” Bella finished with a smile. “It’s alright. It happens to the best of us.”

“To you?”

“Only once.” She sighed again then finished the rest of her wine in one go. She put her wine glass down on the counter and then pulled her penguin costume up and over her head. “Sexy Penguin” was the only thing that could describe the costume she wore underneath. A unitard cut to look like a penguin and a little yellow bow-tie around her neck. “Time to make an honest man out of Deadpool over there.”

“He’s a lucky man,” Dean chuckled again. The moans and groans coming from the DJ station began to intensify. Interestingly enough, they were both male voices rather than the usual female ones that accompanied most R&B and rap songs. Dean gave a point to the DJ for his inclusivity. 

“Be sure to tell him that tomorrow morning, will you?” Bela replied, before winking and sauntering off across the room. Dean watched as she approached Deadpool and caught his interest. It was like watching a lamb being led to slaughter. He couldn’t help but laugh again. 

“What’s so funny?” Castiel said as he walked up to Dean, wrapping an arm around Dean’s waist and leaning into him.

“I just met a very interesting woman who is definitely going to chew that one up and then spit him out.” Dean pointed out the mating dance taking place across the room. Castiel let out a little breath of laughter as he bore witness to Bela’s little game, and then leaned back into Dean and placed his lips against his neck. He kissed him once, twice, and then pulled back just enough to whisper, “How do you feel about a blowjob under black lights?”

Dean’s heart fluttered in his chest, but he tried to look unaffected. “I’d be open to such an activity.”

“Well, why don’t you follow-“Castiel’s salacious request was interrupted by a particularly striking moan coming from the DJ booth. Dean could have sworn the moan came in the form a name.

“Did you just hear…?” Dean asked, looking towards the DJ booth and narrowing his eyes.

“Hmm?” Castiel replied; already back to Dean’s neck and kissing it softly. It was enough to distract Dean from what he thought he heard and get back to his man. He rubbed his hands up Castiel’s arms and then began to back away towards the bathroom.

“I wonder if we’ll have to wait in line,” Dean said softly, groaning when Castiel’s tongue dipped out of his mouth to lap at the little spot where his jaw met his neck. 

“Unacceptable,” Castiel responded back, his voice muffled. 

Dean began to laugh again, but the sound that came out was immediately dampened by the next sound emitted from the speaker system.”

_“Oh, Cas!”_

Dean froze. Castiel froze. The room seemed to tilt on its axis. 

“Did that just-“Dean began, but was cut off by more of the same.

_“Yeah, Dean, right there…”_

“What the hell is going on?” Castiel asked, his face growing red, his eyes wide. 

_“I’m not gonna last, Cas…”_

“Oh my God,” Dean uttered in shock. His eyes swept the room, looking first for Charlie and Jo, who were staring at him from across the room with confused and very concerned looks on their faces, and then for the DJ. The groaning intensified over the speakers as the music died away. The room was suddenly full of nothing but the sounds of Dean fucking Castiel into the next century. 

_“Oh fuck, Cas. Yeah…ohmygod yes…”_

_“Don’t stop! Don’t Stop! Yes, yes, Dean!”_

Castiel’s hand was tight on Dean’s bicep, squeezing it so hard Dean was sure there would be a bruise tomorrow. Party goers looked around the room with slightly confused looks on their faces but seemed mostly amused. Then, right as Castiel began to charge through the group of dancers to reach the electrical cords attached to the speaker system, Dean saw Dick. 

Except it wasn’t Dick. 

His hair was shorter; the dread lock hat lay on the station in front of him. The beard that had covered half his face was gone; it too cast aside. The teeth that were yellow if they weren’t missing were currently being pulled out of the man’s mouth. Dean didn’t need the weed glasses to be removed to know exactly who was responsible for the Dean and Cas sex show, but the DJ pulled them off anyway. He met Dean’s gaze across the room and put on the biggest, most shit-eating grin Dean had ever seen. 

The room had begun to grow restless, little conversations and a few people shouting out to fix the music. But even with the unrest, Dean could hear perfectly when the DJ called across the room,

“Payback’s a bitch, Dean-O.”


	11. Chapter Eleven- Interlude II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Gabriel's prank from Castiel's perspective.

Castiel moved towards his brother with the speed of a man intent on violence. 

How Gabriel had managed to record him and Dean while they were having sex, Castiel didn’t even want to contemplate yet. All he knew was that his brother was perched on top of his station, legs crossed and a shit-eating grin on his face and Castiel wanted to tear it off of him. 

His rage subsided just long enough to lunge for the electrical cords that ran to the stereo equipment. As he heard the sweet relief of silence settle in the air, it was swiftly interrupted by a particularly colorful stream of curses. Dean was heading straight for the DJ station, obviously intending to do exactly what Castiel had been fantasizing about moments before.

“Where did you get that?” Dean yelled, just as Jo blurted, “What the fuck was that?“

“Woah, woah,” Gabriel replied, still smiling. Castiel gritted his teeth. The smile was different than the one “Dick” had worn earlier. The teeth were all wrong. They weren’t missing and yellowed. They were perfectly fine, aside from a little overbite. He had been wearing false teeth before. “Careful little lady,” Gabriel continued. “Don’t want to hurt yourself with those big words.”

Castiel moved quickly between Dean and Gabriel and reached a hand out to stop Jo, who was suddenly ready to pounce as well. He didn’t know why his body put him in the position of protecting his asshole of a brother. Instinct, perhaps. Years of doing exactly that in the hallways of schools and the alleyways of bars. When Dean’s face contorted in confusion at Castiel’s choice to save Gabriel from the firefighter’s wrath, Castiel snapped out of it. 

He quickly turned around to face his brother, who was still sitting on top of his stereo equipment and looking like he didn’t have a care in the world. Castiel reached up, grabbed Gabriel by the ear, and pulled him off his ass and onto his feet. 

“Hey! Ow!” Gabriel cried. Castiel ignored him.

“Come with me,” Castiel growled, still holding his brother’s ear in between his fingers. He tugged Gabriel towards Charlie’s bedroom and knew Dean would be right behind him. 

“Careful! Ow! Cas-“ Gabriel tried to complain, but Dean cut him off.

“Shut the fuck up!” Dean hissed from behind them. Castiel had just opened Charlie’s door when he heard Dean shout, “Nothing to see here folks! Charlie, why don’t you fix the music situation?”

Castiel pushed Gabriel away from him as he entered the room and Gabriel fell onto the bed.

“How about a round of shots for everyone?” Dean said as he backed into the room. A new song began to play, something Castiel recognized. A patient of his played it on repeat during morning rounds yesterday. 

Dean shut the door and turned around to face them, his face the complete opposite of the happy tone he had just exuded to the party guests. With his hands on his hips, his bare legs, red mask, and flowing cape, the firefighter looked like he had just stepped out of a comic book. Castiel tried to push down the amusement he felt at the sight. It wasn’t hard to do, considering how entirely pissed off he was with his brother. 

“What the hell were you thinking, Gabriel?” Castiel started, his anger rising again. “How dare you invade our privacy like that! I’m pretty sure what you just did was illeg-“

“Woah, woah, woah,” Gabriel replied, raising his hands up. He slumped on the bed awkwardly and looked up at Dean and Castiel with bloodshot eyes. “You’re killing my buzz here, Cassie.”

“Oh I’ll kill more than that,” Dean shot back, stepping forward aggressively. Castiel didn’t put his hand out this time. He let Dean do whatever it was the firefighter felt like he needed to do. To Castiel’s surprise though, Dean didn’t move again. He just stood over his stoned brother and stared down at him. Gabriel managed to meet Dean’s eye line but squinted up at him as if Dean were the sun. “Cut it out, Gabe. We both know you aren’t that high.”

Gabriel’s slack face pulled together in confusion for half a moment, before his mouth pulled into another _smack-me-in-the-face_ grin. He stood up without issue and was suddenly chest to chest with Dean. 

“I liked those sounds you were making back there, Dean,” Gabriel said through his grin. “My brother must have real talent.” He wiggled his highbrows then looked over to Castiel. “Runs in the family I bet.”

Dean answered by pushing Gabriel back down on the bed.

“So it’s a prank war you want, huh?” Dean said as he crossed his arms. “Cause if that’s what you want, I’ll bury you in-“

“No,” Castiel said quickly, interrupting whatever it was Dean had planned on burying Gabriel in. The doctor truly didn’t want to know. 

“No?” Dean questioned, one eyebrow up. He crossed his arms again and looked at Castiel. “What do you mean, ‘no’?” 

“We are not going to engage him in that way,” Castiel replied.

“Um, were you not with us just a few minutes ago, Cas?” Dean turned away from an amused looking Gabriel and stepped toward Castiel. The doctor couldn’t help but smile internally at Dean’s serious expression under his ridiculous costume. “Gabe needs to be-“

“No.” Castiel crossed his arms too. It was suddenly Batman versus Robin and Gabriel stood up again to stand next to them. Gabriel’s head followed the path of the words that volleyed between them. 

“Cas-“

“No.”

“He needs-“

“No, he doesn’t.”

“But-“

“No, Dean.”

Silence filled the bedroom. Dean and Castiel stared at each other from under masks that covered half their faces. 

“Why?” Dean asked. “Why are you protecting him?”

“Because I know my brother,” Castiel replied, not looking at the man in question. Castiel liked to pretend Gabriel didn’t exist often enough, it wasn’t hard to do now. “If we start this ‘war’ as you call it, we will never get out from under it. It will never end. I’ll be arrested for little packets of baking soda that somehow made it into my lab coat. You’ll open the door to your apartment to find all of your belongings glued to the walls. We will be fifty years old and Gabriel will be recruiting our children into putting mayonnaise in our toothbrushes.”

Castiel hadn’t realized what he said until he saw Dean’s body tense slightly. At first, he thought Dean’s sudden change in demeanor was the firefighter’s stubbornness at wanting to get Gabriel back, but then Castiel realized what he had just implied.

“You…” Dean said softly, his arms uncrossing. “You think about that stuff?”

Castiel swallowed hard and tried to slow his suddenly rapid heartbeat. 

“About how my brother will terrorize me for the rest of my life? All of the time.”

Dean frowned and rolled his eyes. “No, the other thing.”

“Mayonnaise?”

Dean crossed his arms again. He was going to wait Castiel out on this one. The doctor blinked a few times, unsure how he wanted to proceed. 

He knew he was in love with Dean and wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He also knew that Dean loved him back. However, there were timetables for relationships. No matter how you feel about someone, you aren’t supposed to confess your undying affection for them before a certain time. Marriage? That definitely doesn’t come up only a week after you first say, ‘I love you’. Castiel had to be careful here. He didn’t want to scare Dean away.

He also didn’t want to have this conversation in front of Gabriel.

He turned his attention to his brother and scowled when Gabriel just smiled happily at him. 

“So, you two thinking about tying the knot?” Gabriel asked. “A little soon for that, don’t you think?”

Instead of replying, Castiel grabbed his brother by the shirt and forcibly removed him from Charlie’s bedroom.

“Out,” He growled.

“So does that mean the prank war is off?” Gabriel scrambled to say as Castiel pushed him out the door.

“Go home, Gabriel,” Castiel replied and then shut the door in his face.

The doctor took his time turning around to face Dean once they were alone. He was nervous. He was unsure. He was somewhat lost. 

With Inias, Castiel didn’t have to worry so much about relationship timing and milestones. Everything seemed to happen on time. They met, went on several dates before sleeping together, dated for about a year before moving in together, and then waited another before becoming engaged. It felt like everything happened the way it was supposed to. 

With Dean, Castiel had to remind himself sometimes that they weren’t already engaged. He saw his future with Dean so clearly already. He wanted to marry him. He wanted a house with a big backyard and a porch swing. He wanted to adopt kids with him and raise a family. Castiel wanted to grow old with Dean. He wanted to hold his hand on evening strolls around the neighborhood and go to dinner at four in the afternoon. With Dean, Castiel already knew he wanted it all.

He turned around slowly, avoiding Dean’s gaze until he was standing right in front of him.

“So, you were saying?” Castiel said, leading his boyfriend. The doctor was a coward. He knew it, but he just couldn’t come out and say these things. 

Dean looked at Castiel like he knew exactly what the doctor was trying to do.

“ _I_ wasn’t saying anything. You were the one making our kids out to be little shits,” Dean replied, smiling. When Castiel didn’t respond immediately, Dean continued. “You want kids?”

That was easy to answer. Castiel nodded.

“I’ve always wanted kids. Two, I think. More than that would get a little hectic I’d imagine.”

Dean stepped closer. He placed his hands on Castiel’s hips.

“Two is good. Two sounds perfect.”

The air was electric between them. There was a lot being said, without any of it actually being verbalized. Castiel didn’t like leaving things unsaid.

“You’d…” He paused, then gathered his nerve and continued. “You’d consider having kids with me?”

Dean looked concerned for a second, but then his face brightened and he smiled brilliantly.

“Absolutely.”

They were kissing before Castiel knew who leaned into whom. Their lips meeting was a mutual and simultaneous effort. They kissed slowly, deeply. Castiel could feel it in his thighs, down to his toes. It was the kind of kiss one thought about when their minds wandered. It was the kind of kiss that would linger on his lips for days to come. 

They were pulled out of their intimate moment by a harsh knock on the door.

“No fucking in our room!” Jo yelled. “House rules!”

The pair pulled apart with a laugh, their eyes bright and shining. 

“We’re not fucking, Jo!” Dean shouted back. “Just give us a sec!”

Dean leaned back in after rolling his eyes and pecked Castiel’s lips softly, before pulling away again. The look in Dean’s eyes made Castiel want to throw away all of the rules and just get down on one knee, right then and there. The thought, as ridiculous as it was, gave Castiel a different idea.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about,” Castiel replied, wrapping his arms more tightly around Dean’s waist. “But not now.”

“Why not now?”

“It’s a conversation I’d rather not have while we are both in spandex and slightly drunk.”

Dean laughed. “Good point.” His eyebrows furrowed slightly. “It’s not anything bad, is it?”

“No,” Castiel shook his head and leaned back in to press his lips against Dean’s again. “I think it’ll be great.”

The pounding on the door came again and Dean and Castiel were forced apart. 

“Alright, Alright,” Dean groaned. He opened the door with a sigh. Jo stood there with her arms crossed. “You couldn’t wait another minute?”

“I didn’t want to have to change the sheets,” She retorted, looking past Dean and examining her room for evidence of debauchery. 

“I told you-“

“Yeah, yeah,” Jo replied, obviously satisfied with the state of her bedroom. “Charlie’s asking for you anyway. She doesn’t know if she should kick out the DJ or pay him or whatever.”

“Oh, we’ll pay him alright,” Castiel replied, his tone mischievous. Dean whipped around, his jaw dropping.

“But you said-“

“What? You think I’m going to let my brother think we are willingly entering a prank war? Have you learned nothing from being around him?”

Dean stood there a moment more, his eyes full of shock and confusion. Then, the corner of his mouth lifted and he joined Castiel in a conniving grin.

“If he thinks we aren’t going to do anything about this, he will be completely unprepared for whatever we come up with,” Dean said slowly. 

“Exactly,” Castiel replied. “We’ll wait a while, of course. Let him think he is safe.”

Dean’s face fell slightly. “How long is ‘a while’?”

“A year at least,” Castiel responded, walking towards Dean and Jo. “Maybe two.”

“Two years? Are you serious?” Dean squawked. 

“Do you have plans to be elsewhere?” Castiel asked, his eyebrows raised in challenge.

Dean’s grin grew once more, taking over his entire face. He was absolutely beautiful when he was happy.

“Nah,” Dean replied. “I think I’ll stick around awhile.” He put his arm around Castiel’s shoulders as they left Charlie’s room, leaving Jo to look on after them. 

She tried not to smile at their adorable exchange, but she failed. Miserably.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I should start by groveling or just jump straight into the excuses...
> 
> I'll go with groveling first.  
> I am, without a doubt, so very sorry for waiting a year to update this story. I have been on the receiving end of an abandoned WIP that I loved and it KILLED ME. So, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize.
> 
> BUT
> 
> I have some pretty good reasons for being gone for so long.  
> 1) I got pretty pissy about Supernatural for a bit there, and that translated into my lack of desire to write for some of the MOST AMAZING characters to have ever existed.  
> 2.) I got sick. Like...really sick. My neurologist isn't positive, because it can be very tricky, but we think I have either advanced Lyme disease or the beginnings of Multiple Sclerosis. Major bummer. Only time will tell there.  
> 3.) I was super busy publishing and promoting the first book in an lgbtq fantasy series. That's right. I took my frustration with canon destiel and decided to create my own world where the gays would get to be gay and the bis would get to be bi and there would be interesting plot and deep characterization. I created an entire world, people, and I'm damn proud of myself. I am currently in the process of working with my editor to get the second book in the series out by the first quarter of next year. If you're interested, you can message me on Tumblr!
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> Thank you so much for those who have clung on and have asked for updates. I have some stress to relieve when it comes to writing, as I am editing book two and that can just be a bitch and a half, so I think I'll find solace in picking up this verse again. 
> 
> You guys are the best.

“You got plans to actually _move_ sometime this century, boy? Or do I gotta think about sticking my boot up your-“

“Woah, woah, woah,” Dean exclaimed, biting back a laugh because he knew it would only enrage the older man further. “Just give me a second…” He stirred their stovetop dinner one more time, and then started divvying up the goods. “Here, old man.” Dean placed a generous portion of food in front of Bobby and smiled. “No need to get your panties in a twist.”

“Bout time,” Bobby murmured. He continued to grumble under his breath as he pushed food into his mouth. “Coming in here late, hung over, and smelling like a goddamn brothel.”

Ash snickered under his breath as Dean passed him a plate of dinner over the long table in the firehouse’s kitchen. Dean had the mind to push back and turn the conversation around to the time when _Ash_ came in two hours late, still drunk, and holding up his date from the night before. Dean refrained, though, and took his licks. 

When Dean woke up for his thirty-six hour shift this morning, he was already hovering over the toilet bowl. He and Castiel had stayed at his place after the Halloween party, just barely making it inside before stripping naked and drunkenly pulling each other off in his living room. They proceeded to pass out immediately afterwards, Castiel lying on the couch and Dean strewn half on top of him, half hanging off the couch. When he woke up, ten minutes _after_ his shift was due to start, Dean bolted to the only bathroom his apartment had, leaving Castiel to throw up in Dean’s kitchen sink.  
It wasn’t a great start to the day.

And it didn’t get better until Castiel showed up at the firehouse sometime before lunch to hand Dean a very large Cappuccino. Dean didn’t think hung over and in trouble was the best time to introduce Bobby to his boyfriend, so he thanked the doctor with a quick kiss and sent him on his way. The firehouse embarrassed them both with a round of applause, but Dean didn’t think he’d ever be truly humiliated again after what they endured the night before. 

Gabriel was such a shit.

Sure, Dean and Castiel had gotten him really good with their _Dean wants to do a porno with you_ gag, but recording them having sex? How did the little asswipe even do that? Dean didn’t want to know.

Scratch that.

Dean _definitely_ wanted to know. He needed to know. 

As he sat down with Bobby and the rest of the on-duty company for dinner, Dean committed to scouring both of their apartments for bugs. He wouldn’t put it past Gabriel to plant something in a vent or a lamp or something. The dickwad was _sneaky_ , and Dean was already coming up with ways to get him back in the future.

The future where he and Castiel had been together for years, and maybe they’d be sporting a couple of matching rings. Maybe. Hopefully.

Definitely.

***

Dean pulled himself out of the Impala later the next day, stretching out his back and grimacing. The station bunk beds were terrible. Mentally complaining about the downside to his full-time working status, Dean rounded the back of his baby and took his overnight bag out of his trunk.

He was about to spend the weekend at his boyfriends house, and despite how tired and grumpy he felt, Dean was positively giddy about it. 

Their work schedules hadn’t synced up like this since they started dating, and it was the first time they had two whole days and nights together. Dean was already imagining ways to fill that time when he scaled the brick steps to Castiel’s town home. He had to pause once, the hike a bit much for his still aching leg, but when he reached the door he knocked once and then just let himself in.

“Hey babe,” he called. Dean climbed the next set of steps and winced. His body was _so_ not cooperating today. “Ready for a weekend of debauchery?”  
Dean heard a throaty laugh from the living room and dropped his bag on the floor of the foyer. Castiel was sitting on the couch, a medical journal in his lap and a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. 

“Debauchery?” Castiel asked, craning his neck to track Dean’s entrance. “What exactly will that include?”

Dean shrugged and then plopped down on the couch, stretching his legs out over Castiel’s lap and settling in. He raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Whatever we want, Cas. We’ve got nothing but time on our hands.”

Castiel deposited his coffee and medical journal onto the coffee table, and then slipped his hand under the cuff of Dean’s jeans. His hand was warm on Dean’s ankle, soothing. When he locked eyes with the doctor, Dean smiled. “You got any ideas?”

Castiel’s own smile fell slightly at that, but only for a moment. It was a blink and you’ll miss it kind of thing, but Dean didn’t blink, so he didn’t miss the anxiety that floated across the doctor’s face. 

“Cas?”

Castiel shook his head and smiled again, this time more genuinely.

“Actually, yes. I do have an idea of what we could do.” He took a deep breath, looking down at the discarded medical journal for just a moment before gearing up to tell Dean whatever it was he had on his mind. Dean couldn’t help the bundle of nerves that were collecting in his stomach. 

Castiel rubbed his hand along Dean’s ankle again, and then lifted Dean’s legs so he could get out from under them. Dean started to get worried, what with Castiel’s silence and the sudden change in position, but when Castiel looked back down at him, Dean noticed that the doctor looked more nervous than anything else. 

Castiel reached his hand down to Dean, offering it to him. “Come with me.”

Dean took his hand and allowed himself to be escorted out of the living room and up the stairs. _More freaking stairs._ Dean made a mental note to make another appointment with Jo soon.  
When they reached the top of the stairs, Dean was tempted to ask if Castiel was about to reveal some sort of weird kink to him, but then Castiel was stopping in front of the room Dean had only been inside once. It was the room Dean had begun to think of as _Inias’ Room_. 

Dean searched Castiel’s eyes, looking for some sort of clue as to what was about to happen, but Castiel just smiled nervously and opened the door. 

If someone were to ask him what he felt when Dean walked back into that room again, he’d have too many emotions to explain. Shock…confusion…fear… _hope_. 

Inias’ room was completely empty, except for a bed that had been stripped and the now bare dresser. There were no pictures, no baseball cards, no clothes, no pieces of memorabilia left to haunt Castiel and Dean for the rest of their lives. It was all gone.

“Cas?” Dean whispered. “What…”

“I, um, well,” Castiel started, and then promptly stopped again. He entered the room more fully, tracing his hand along the mattress, and then pausing with his back to Dean. 

“I’ve been thinking about something,” Castiel said softly. “Something that may seem a little…well. I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Okay,” Dean replied. “And that something has something to do with all of Inias’ stuff?”

“Partly,” Castiel responded. He turned around and faced Dean again. “I wanted to make sure I was ready. I wanted to be _positive_ that I wasn’t pushing myself too fast.”

“Cas, what are you-“ Dean tried, but the doctor cut him off.

“I think we should move in together.” Castiel’s face was mostly blank when he delivered the news, aside from the small pinch between his brow, so Dean wasn’t sure he heard him right.

“Wait.” Dean blinked a few times and found himself letting out a long breath. He hadn’t realized he was holding it. “What?”

“I cleaned out this room to prove to you and myself that I am ready for this, that I am _more_ than ready for this,” he told Dean. “I know it’s only been four months, and that maybe it’s too fast to make such a commitment, but-“

Dean had heard enough. He moved faster than his aching body wanted him to and closed the distance between him and Castiel. He took the doctor’s face in his hands and kissed him soundly. Castiel let out a sound of surprise, but recovered quickly, settling his hands on Dean’s hips. 

When the firefighter pulled away, he was smiling. “Yes, Cas. _Hell_ yes.”

“Really?” Castiel replied, obviously thrilled with Dean’s answer, but still afraid it wasn’t true. “You don’t think we’re moving-“

“Too fast?” Dean finished. “No. And if we are, I don’t care. This thing with us is going to move how it moves, Cas. I think we just got a hold on and enjoy the ride.”

Castiel smiled brightly and pulled Dean’s face back into a kiss. “You’re sure?”

“More than sure,” Dean responded between kisses. “You?”

“Absolutely.” Castiel pulled Dean into a tight hug, kissing up his cheek, down his neck, and across his shoulder. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Dean chuckled against him, enjoying the attention. “Honestly, I thought maybe you’d brought me up here to show me your furry collection.”

“I put that in the attic with the rest of Inias’ stuff,” Castiel replied, grinning. Dean laughed again. “And I was thinking too…” Castiel trailed off and leaned back to look into Dean’s eyes. “I think we should find a place together. Your apartment is too far from the hospital for early morning shifts, and it only has one bathroom. My townhouse has far too many stairs for someone such as yourself, and it holds a lot of memories from my past. I think we should start somewhere new.”

Dean beamed. “Yeah, Cas. I think that sounds awesome.” He leaned in and kissed his boyfriend again. “So we’re really doing this? Moving in together?”

“We’re really doing this,” Castiel confirmed softly. 

A shift had occurred, somewhere between Dean’s joke about furries and Castiel’s confirmation that they were, in fact, ‘doing this’, and Dean felt the world tilt on its axis. The seriousness of this step, the undertones of what it meant, it overwhelmed Dean in a wave of emotion. 

No more overnight bags. No more forgotten toothbrushes and drives across town. No more nights without Castiel. They would live together, sleep together. Get sick together under the same roof and most likely fight under it too.

This was their first step to _forever_ , and Dean couldn’t wait for what came next.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this my second apology for my extended absence.
> 
>  
> 
> If you're not into smut, you can skip this chapter without missing any plot. :)

Dean sighed as Castiel’s hands kneaded deeper into his back. The oil he used to coat his hands smelled liked a sensual combination of sandalwood and vanilla. It filled the room and Dean’s senses equally, surrounding him with warmth and a steady flicker of anticipation. 

The candles lit around the room were a nice touch, and even with his eyes closed Dean could see the tantalizing dance of contained fire. He wasn’t burning with need at the moment, but melting under the artful ministrations of one Dr. Castiel Novak. 

“Oh yeah,” Dean groaned as Castiel worked through another knot at the base of Dean’s spine. “Right there, Cas.”

“You’re so wound up, Dean,” Castiel murmured above him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Busy,” Dean mumbled. “Stubborn. Pick one.”

Castiel chuckled softly. “You really should be gentler with your body. You fell out of a three story window this year.”

“ _Months_ ago, Cas,” Dead argued with a content sigh. “I’m back in working order.” Dean heard Castiel mumble, ‘ _months_ ’ like it was some sort of curse. He guessed the doctor didn’t feel the time frame was long enough. “You’re ruining my serenity here, Cas.”

“Apologies,” Castiel replied. Dean could tell he was grinning. “Shall I play some peaceful water sounds for you?”

Dean let out another sigh, sinking his naked body even further into the mattress as he nodded slowly. “And maybe one of those stick things.”

“Sticks?” Castiel asked. His hands moved up Dean’s back, and changed his position on the bed. Dean felt Castiel’s penis drag across Dean’s ass as the doctor moved back up his body. He settled on 

Dean’s lower back and began working his thumbs and fingers into Dean’s neck.

“Ya know,” Dean replied quietly. “Those African sticks.”

“African-?“ Castiel cut himself off and laughed. “African rain sticks?”

“Yeah, them dudes.”

“Do you find them soothing?” Castiel asked. Dean felt the doctor subtly grind his hardness against Dean’s body. It was a small shift of hips, barely there, but Dean felt it. The tempered flame of this massage would soon ignite into something explosive.

“Mhmm,” Dean replied, shifting his arm down and laying his hand on Castiel’s calf. He began to stroke it softly. “Had to do a little dance with them in gym class when I was a kid. Pitched a big fit, but secretly loved it.”

“Pretending to hate things you love? That doesn’t sound like you at all,” Castiel quipped. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the back of Dean’s neck, and then moved both his hands back down Dean’s spine. Castiel worked in slow, deep circles, penetrating the ache of too much, too soon. 

Dean let out a soft groan, and knew that when he felt the loss of one of Castiel’s hands, it was because that hand was now giving the doctor’s cock a firm stoke. 

“I’ve never pretended to hate you,” Dean replied, lifting his head just enough to look over his shoulder and gaze at the beautiful man sitting behind him.

Castiel still had one hand kneading circles into Dean’s back, but the other hand pulled languidly at his penis. It was a slow dance. Extended foreplay. Dean felt the suspense pool in his belly and sink lower, impossibly lower, until his cock was filling up with anticipation.

Castiel looked like a god this way.

Castiel looked like a god in _every_ way, but this way was one of Dean’s favorite. Unabashedly turned on. Sinfully seductive. It’s miles away from the man who entered his hospital room at the beginning of the year. 

And Dean got to see it. He got to see all of it. Every side of this amazing, gorgeous man was Dean’s to see, to cherish. 

Castiel smirked down at Dean, and then took his hand off his cock and placed both of them on either side of Dean’s hips. He angled himself down slightly, so he could drag his penis across the crest of Dean’s ass, dipping between his cheeks and sliding back and forth a few times. With the aid of the massage oil, the feeling was indescribable. 

“No?” Castiel asked, his voice deceptively unaffected. “Not ever?”

Dean watched as Castiel’s shaft slipped between his ass cheeks over and over, the tip teasing every time it reached the top. Dean wanted his mouth around it.

“Not even once,” Dean replied breathlessly. He was too turned on to pretend otherwise. He rolled his hips into the mattress, enjoying the small relief of friction the motion provided. Dean was tempted to turn over and slide their erections together, but sometimes delaying immediate gratification made everything so much better. “I may have tried to deny how much I wanted you, but I went from crushing on you to falling in love with you pretty seamlessly.”

Castiel let out a quiet chuckle. “I wouldn’t say it was seamless.” He leaned down and captured Dean’s mouth in a short, wet kiss. When he sat back up, Castiel placed both hands back on Dean’s neck and shoulders and massaged them thoroughly. “But I certainly can’t complain.”

Dean was about to complain about the lack of dick on his ass, but refrained. Instead, he began stroking Castiel’s calf with his fingertips again. 

Castiel’s hands traveled up into Dean’s hair and began massaging his scalp, forcing Dean to flutter his lashes in ecstasy. The doctor’s fingers were long and strong, sliding between Dean’s tresses and eventually grabbing a fistful and pulling lightly. Dean went willingly. 

They were kissing again a moment later, Castiel’s hand still gripping Dean’s hair and Dean turning his head for better access. This kiss wasn’t the quick one like before. It was slow and heated, deep and filthy. Dean’s hips ground into the mattress again as Castiel rolled his hips against Dean’s back. Both men moaned into the movement, relishing the feeling, until it wasn’t enough for Dean. 

Dean rolled to his back under Castiel’s hips, a motion so quick Castiel let go of Dean’s hair in the process. With the freedom, Dean grabbed Castiel’s ass and hauled it towards him, opening his mouth and taking Castiel’s cock into his mouth. The doctor groaned, biting his bottom lip, as Dean took him all the way in. 

“Fuck, Dean,” Castiel gasped from above him. “That…that’s… _yes_.” The doctor threw his head back and let out a garbled cry. His hips twitched forward; desperate to fuck Dean’s mouth senseless, but he restrained himself. Dean, however, gripped Castiel’s ass harder and forced him forward. “Oh God, _Dean_.

Dean reveled in the praise, sucking at Castiel’s cock like it was his god given right. His own erection was throbbing with the need to be touched, but Dean ignored it. His time would come. Right now, all he needed was the weight of Castiel’s shaft against his tongue, the push of his cock against the back of Dean’s throat, and the steady rumble of Castiel’s pleasure. 

It wasn’t long before Castiel was panting above him, making shallow thrusts with his hips and gripping the headboard above the bed like he might just tear it apart.   
“Dean,” Castiel warned over another moan. “Not like this.”

Dean hated the idea instantly, but then remembered the sight of Castiel’s cock gliding over his cheeks, and pulled his mouth from the doctor’s cock. He was about to get dicked down, and _God_ was he aching for it.

Castiel adjusted his position so he could lean down and capture Dean’s mouth, plunging his tongue inside and moving it with Dean’s until both of them were breathless. When he pulled back, he whispered against Dean’s lips, “How do you want it?”

“From behind,” Dean replied eagerly. “Fuck me hard and fast, Cas. Fuck me like you mean it.”

Castiel groaned into another kiss, licking into Dean’s mouth and stealing any breath he had reserved. Gasping, they pulled apart, and Dean watched as his soon to be live-in boyfriend started peppering kisses down his stomach, into his groin, across his thighs, then back up to the tip of his penis. It was pulsing with need by this point, rock hard and desperate for attention. 

Reaching into the bedside table, Dean grabbed the lube and threw it down towards Castiel’s hands, just as Castiel licked a long stripe up Dean’s cock. 

“Oh, fuck _yes_ ,” Dean moaned. He clung to the already disheveled sheets. Another cry escaped him as Castiel sucked him down. He vaguely heard the click of the lube top, concentrating only on the way Castiel’s tongue lapped at his tip, the way the doctor teased him, the way Castiel swallowed around him when he sunk down further. 

Dean felt the press of Castiel’s finger, gliding over his hole a few times before dipping inside. Dean bucked up into Castiel’s mouth before he could stop himself, the two sensations competing and driving him toward one. He settled back down over Castiel’s finger a moment later, relaxing onto it. Castiel moved inside of him, angling his finger just right until Dean saw stars and let out a shout.   
“That’s it,” Dean cried. “Right there. Fuck yeah, Cas.”

Castiel, pulled off Dean’s cock and smirked. He pulled at Dean’s cock a few times, and then began working a second finger inside. 

“You look so good like this.” The doctor’s voice was rough, thoroughly debauched. “But I think there’s a better use for my mouth.”

Dean didn’t see how that was possible, but then he realized what Castiel planned to do and began to turn over in earnest. Castiel removed his fingers just to plunge them back inside once Dean was on his stomach. A moment later and Castiel was pressing his mouth to Dean’s ass cheeks, working towards the center, kissing, licking and biting. The hand not attached to the fingers currently in Dean’s ass massaged and kneaded, grabbing roughly before soothing again. And then Dean was being spread apart, and Castiel’s tongue flicked around the fingers scissoring inside of him. 

“Oh _yes_ ,” Dean cried, arching his back to give Castiel better access. “That’s…oh yes, that’s so good.”

Castiel’s fingers opened Dean up enough for his tongue to plunge inside, fucking into him and reducing Dean to curses. He swirled his tongue around the edges, just to push back inside again, teasing Dean over and over until Dean was propping himself up and begging for more. 

This time Dean didn’t hear the lube bottle being opened. This time, Dean was an incoherent mess, his entire body a jumble of nerve endings ready to ignite. So when Castiel removed his fingers and tongue, Dean all but screamed his dissent, but it was only a few seconds before Dean was being filled up again. Castiel cock slid inside without resistance, not stopping until his hip bones pushed against Dean’s ass. 

“ _Cas_ ,” Dean cried, on his hands and knees now and ready for whatever Castiel would give him. “ _Move_.”

Castiel didn’t hesitate. He pulled back and slammed back into Dean, leaning over him and holding on to Dean’s shoulder, gripping him tightly and thrusting in and out again. 

The room was filled with sounds of their lovemaking, Dean crying out every time Castiel hit _just_ the right spot, and Castiel groaning in pleasure every time his cock slid in and out of his boyfriend. 

They set a fast and dirty pace, with Castiel’s hand gravitating from Dean’s shoulder to his hair. He pulled just enough to mean it, slamming into Dean over and over as Dean moaned beneath him. Dean reached out and grabbed the headboard in front of him, holding on for dear life as Castiel pounded into him. 

It couldn’t last, nothing this perfect ever lasts, but Dean was determined to hold out just a few moments longer. This is all he wants. This is all he _ever_ wants.

Dean felt his climax coming, he just needed a little something extra to push him over the edge. Castiel sounded like he was close too, his cock thrusting into him relentlessly as he groaned obscenities behind him. 

Dean waited as long as he could then reached down and pulled at his cock. One, two, three strokes, and then he was coming. Coming so hard Dean thought the neighbors might call the cops. It was the definition of explosive, a burning fire of guttural electricity that blinded him completely. 

“Oh, _fuck_ Cas,” Dean moaned as his climax receded, but it was only a moment’s quiet before Castiel was screaming his name and fucking into him at a brutal pace. Dean felt the doctor come inside of him and was so pleased, he grinned through the aftershocks of his own orgasm. 

It was difficult to feel Cas coming when Dean was coming at the same time. Too many sensations at once. But like this, with Dean reaching his climax first and Castiel coming right after, Dean could feel every pulse of the doctor’s cock, every burst of Castiel’s release. It gave Dean the kind of satisfaction nothing else could.

When Castiel slumped over his back, Dean lowered them both back to the bed. With Castiel’s head resting between his shoulder blades, the weight of the doctor, _his doctor_ , pressing familiarly above him, Dean had never been more sated. 

He drifted off to sleep moments later, with Castiel still inside of him, and the knots in his body finally worked out.


	14. Chapter 14

As an unspoken celebration of taking the next step in their relationship, Dean and Castiel fixed an elaborate breakfast the next morning. Eggs Benedict from scratch, fruit salad, sausage links, and freshly squeezed orange juice. 

When they sat down to enjoy it together, their coffees were steaming and their smiles were bright. It was the first of many Saturday morning breakfasts together, and both men were blissfully happy. 

“So how is Eileen doing this week? Did she enjoy the red pepper smoothie recipe I sent her?” Castiel asked as he slipped a strawberry between his lips.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded. His mouth was full, so he waited to elaborate until he washed down his bite of food with orange juice. “She was guzzling the stuff the last time I was there. Her pregnancy cravings are so lame, though. Red peppers and yogurt? Gross. If it were me, it’d be ice cream, pizza, and cheeseburgers. No question.”

“And what’s your excuse for eating like that now?” Castiel asked with a smirk. 

Dean pointed his fork full of fruit at the doctor. “It would be so much worse, Cas. You have no idea.”

“I think I could imagine,” Castiel laughed. He sipped his coffee and let out a pleased sigh. “I’ve got my work cut out for me, I think.”

“Don’t act like you don’t love a good burger, Cas.”

Castiel shook his head. “Oh I do. They make me very happy. But too much of a good thing can be bad for you.”

“Alright, alright,” Dean groaned. “I know. Burgers bad, grass and twigs good. Got it. Can we move on to the whole moving in together thing now?”

Castiel laughed again. “Let’s.”

“Cool. So, I’m just renting. I won’t renew my lease next month, but what about you? I assume you own this place?”

Castiel nodded. “I do. Jimmy has a friend who is a realtor. I already talked to him about setting up a meeting with her.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “So sure I’d say yes to moving in together, huh?”

“I had a hunch,” Castiel replied with a grin. Then it fell slightly, and Dean was reminded of the nervous expression the doctor wore the night before. “Would you…do you think we should rent a place or…”

Dean froze. 

Right. Living together meant one of two things. They would rent or they would own. Together. 

Dean didn’t know what to think about that. He wasn’t afraid of the commitment aspect so much, but owning a place together was a really big deal. 

“Um,” Dean stalled, not entirely sure how he was going to answer yet. “I don’t know, Cas. What are you thinking?”

“Well,” Castiel started, sighing slightly. “Financially, for someone in my position, it makes the most sense to own, but for two people moving in together for the first time, owning a home together seems a bit…fast.”

“Yeah. It does.” Dean isn’t sure why he says that. Something in him rebels against it.

Castiel nodded and then looked back to his breakfast. They ate in silence for a few moments. 

“But,” Dean amended, not even sure what was about to come out of his mouth. “I want to, like, really make that place _ours_ , you know? If we’re really going to do this, I don’t want to just pick any place.”

Castiel seemed to brighten at that. “Yes, I agree.” They fell back into silence for another minute, each man sipping his coffee in a manner that would appear casual to an outsider. “Perhaps we could tell the realtor about the kind of place we’d like to have, and disregard whether the home is for rent or purchase until we decide we want it.”

Dean liked the sound of that. “That makes sense. That way we can just focus on what we like or don’t like, and not…you know…” Dean was about to say, ‘ _what it means_ ‘, but trailed off. He didn’t want to put that into words.

“Alright, so what do you want, Dean?” Castiel asked, cutting his Eggs Benedict into bite size portions and squeezing several lemons over it. Dean would have questioned the doctor’s love for acid a few months ago, but he’s since learned that there is nothing Castiel won’t put an excessive amount of lemon on. 

“In a place? An extra bedroom for visitors. Two bathrooms. A porch or deck or something to sit outside…” He trailed off again and then shrugged. “Nothing fancy.”

Castiel nodded. “I’d add an office space and an open floor plan to the list, too.”

“Sounds good to me,” Dean replied. He was grateful they had shelved the ‘rent or own’ discussion for the time being. He relaxed back into his breakfast. “So when do you want to start looking?”

“Well, we could do a little preliminary search ourselves online this weekend. And then perhaps set up a few appointments with Jimmy’s friend next week. What’s your schedule like?”

“I’ve got a few free days,” Dean replied. “Should work out alright.” Dean let out a sigh. “Man, we’re getting really close to Thanksgiving, aren’t we?”

Castiel startled slightly, and then let out a short laugh. “Well, it seems this weekend is going to be full of proposals.”

Dean, certain he didn’t hear the doctor correctly, replied, “Huh?” 

Castiel wiped his mouth with his napkin and then placed it on the table next to his plate. He met Dean’s gaze with a sort of bashful hope that Dean immediately found endearing. “What, Cas?”

“I was going to ask if you’d like to accompany me to my parent’s house for Thanksgiving this year,” Castiel said, cheeks reddening. “And then it occurred to me that would be the second major relationship based question I asked in less than twenty-four hours.”

Dean was stunned for all of ten seconds before he let out a laugh of his own. “Man, Cas, you’re on a role, aren’t ya?”

Castiel smiled and looked down at his food. “Apparently so…” 

Dean could tell the doctor almost regretted asking, so he put him out of his misery quickly. “Yeah, Cas. That sounds awesome. I’d love to meet your parents.”  
Castiel let out a loud breath of relief. “Oh good. I was worried I-“

“Nothing to be worried about,” Dean shook his head. “If my folks were still kicking around, you’d have already met them.”

Castiel picked up his fork and began to eat again.“Suppose that’s true. Although, meeting in the hospital while you’re lying unconscious isn’t the best circumstances.”

“Even so,” Dean argued. “I’d have brought you to them afterwards too.” Dean reached across the table and placed his hand over Cas’. “I’d have wanted to show you off pretty much immediately.”

Castiel beamed. “I supposed that’s why I want to bring you up to my family as well. Although…” A dark shadow spread over Castiel’s features, and Dean’s stomach fluttered. “My parents are rather conservative, and my brother Michael can be quite difficult.”

“Difficult how?” Dean asked. ‘Conservative’ Dean could deal with. Living in Kansas all his life has made Dean pretty good about that, but ‘difficult’ sounded like an entirely different beast.

“He’s very confrontational about things and extremely stubborn. We aren’t especially close,” Castiel answers. “And then there’s Luke.”

“The one in jail?” Dean confirmed. Castiel nodded. “What about him? It’s not like he’ll be there.”

“He still manages to make an impact,” Castiel replied, squirming in his chair. “Family gatherings in the Novak household can be very tense. My sister Anna is the only bright spot in the entire affair, honestly. Jimmy just stays out of most things, and Gabriel purposely makes everything more difficult.” Castiel paused. “I just want you to know what you’re getting into. You can obviously change your mind, or we can head home early if-“

“Cas,” Dean stopped him and squeezed his hand. “It’s your family. Even if some of them suck, they’re still your family. I can handle it. Trust me.”

Castiel turned his hand over and weaved his fingers together with Dean’s. “You’re sure?”

Dean nodded. “Positive. I’m excited, man!” He pulled his hand back and worked on finishing off his breakfast. “Curious to see where you grew up.” Then something terrible occurred to Dean, and he put his fork back down with a groan. “We’re going to have to fly there, aren’t we?”

Castiel grinned apologetically. “Yes, but it’ll be first class, and I’ll prescribe you a sedative beforehand.”

“Promise?” Dean really, _really_ hated flying, but he’d do just about anything to make Castiel happy. 

“I promise,” Castiel answered. Then, as he lifted his coffee to his lips he added, “And if the sedative doesn’t work, I’m sure there are other ways of getting you to relax.”

Dean smirked at that. Maybe flying across the country wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

***

Later that night, with their muscles sore from swimming at the Y and their minds fried from staring at house after house on Zillow, Castiel and Dean slipped into the master bathroom’s garden tub   
together. 

With Castiel settled between his legs, leaning back against him and talking about proper surgical sterilization, Dean let out a content sigh. 

“What’s your favorite kind of surgery to perform?” Dean had asked ten minutes earlier, which led to a lengthy dissertation on obscure knee replacement techniques, which then led to Castiel’s current topic. Despite what little interest in the subject Dean had, he loved listening to Castiel talk about his work. 

He drifted his hand slowly up and down Castiel’s arm as the doctor spoke, listening carefully and asking questions when he didn’t understand.   
The water had been nearly scolding hot before, but had recently reached the perfect temperature. With Castiel in his arms, Dean felt completely relaxed. 

So relaxed, in fact, after ten minutes or so, Dean didn’t realize he had begun drifting off to sleep. Castiel pinched his thigh playfully when Dean didn’t respond to something Castiel said about scalpels, and Dean startled back into the land of the living.

“Sorry, babe. I’m interested. This is all very interesting. I promise,” Dean told him. “I’m just wiped.”

“Understandable,” Castiel replied, rubbing his hands up and down Dean’s thighs under the water. Dean loved the sound the water made as Castiel’s arms moved through it. “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard.” When Dean didn’t respond, not wanting to argue about his work, Castiel continued. “I’m glad we were able to have this weekend together. I have an ER rotation next weekend. I assume you’ll have a shift at the station?”

Dean nodded, and then leaned down to kiss Castiel’s shoulder. “Mhmm. I’ve got to be in by seven tomorrow night too.” Castiel sighed, but didn’t comment. “I was thinking of maybe going to the cemetery to visit my parents tomorrow afternoon before heading into the station. Do you want to come?”

It was a loaded question, full of _how often do you still visit your dead fiancé_ and _I haven’t told you yet that I visit him too_. Dean planned to rectify that second part soon. Probably tomorrow, if Castiel agreed to go with him.

The doctor stiffened slightly, but nodded. “Yes, I think that’d be nice. We can stop by the farmer’s market before and pick up some flowers.”

“Good idea,” Dean replied, letting out another happy sigh. He really was sleepy, and Castiel’s hands stroking up and down his naked thighs was lulling him closer and closer to dreamland. 

They’d managed to exchange blowjobs in the showers of the locker room at the Y, and Dean had every intention of ending the night by fucking Castiel into the mattress, but at that moment he didn’t have it in him. 

Castiel seemed to understand this, because the next time Dean opened his eyes, the water was draining and Castiel was leaning over the tub, lightly kissing Dean’s cheek and whispering,

“Come, love. Let’s get you to bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying being back in this verse! Thank you for your kind words of encouragement! You guys are the best :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovely readers! 
> 
> Full Disclosure: I'm writing this fic as I'm editing book II of my original fantasy series and writing book III, which is in first person present tense. Switching to third person past tense for this fic doesn't always run smoothly. I THINK I've edited everything and it should be good to go, but if you see something, say something!
> 
> You are all awesome. Thanks for the comments. Keep em coming, please!

At the farmer’s market, Dean and Castiel bickered about which flowers last the longest under the Kansas sun, and then made-up by making out like teenagers until the florist politely asked them to leave.

When they arrived at the cemetery a few minutes later, each of them with a bouquet of flowers in their hands, Dean didn’t know how to go about the next step of their plan. 

Would they split up to visit their loved ones alone? 

Castiel made the decision for him when he squeezed Dean’s hand once, and then let it go. “Meet back at the car?”

Dean nodded. He watched Castiel head toward his dead lover on the east side of the cemetery, but refused to stare after his boyfriend like a kicked puppy. 

As he headed up the hill, Dean let out a small sigh of defeat. He knew he shouldn’t let Castiel wanting to be with Inias alone affect him. Castiel was _Dean’s_ boyfriend after all. But it still felt significant. Whatever Castiel had with Inias, Dean was afraid he’d never touch that. He was afraid he and Castiel would never have something that profound. 

Trying not to let his concern taint his visit with his parents, when Dean finally sat in front of his parents' graves, he delved into a long-winded ramble about Alex. He planned to visit her after his shift tomorrow and hoped that maybe they’d do better than last time. Sure, Alex opened up and really allowed herself to feel her pain, but Dean didn’t want the kid to constantly suffer. 

He was listing off board games he wanted to bring her when he heard footsteps behind him. 

Castiel stood a few feet back, staring down at Dean with a small smile on his face.

“You’re done already?” Dean asked incredulously. “I figured you’d be over there for awhile.” 

Castiel shrugged. “I said what I needed to.” He paused, and then shrugged again. “I’d rather sit here with you if that’s alright.” He motioned towards the grass next to Dean.

Dean smiled. “Yeah, yeah. Of course. I was just telling Mom and Dad about Exploding Kittens. I think Alex will like it.”

“It’s more fun if there are more than two players,” Castiel said as he sat down. “Maybe you can convince a nurse or two to join.”

“Good thinking,” Dean replied. He stared at Castiel a moment, the sun made the doctor’s skin practically glow. He was hit with a sudden wave of sadness that his parents would never meet the amazing man he had fallen in love with. They’d never get to love Castiel the way Dean knew they would. 

He looked back at his mother’s grave and traced her name. “I wished you could have known them.”

“Do you think they would have approved?” Castiel asked. He didn’t look truly worried, but Dean thought maybe Castiel would have still been nervous to meet Dean’s parents.

“A kind doctor who makes me laugh and puts up with my bullshit?” Dean quipped. “They’d have begged you to marry me.”

Castiel laughed, despite the small aneurysm Dean experienced at the slip of tongue. They had had enough relationship upgrades for the time being. Castiel didn’t bluster at the joke, though.

“Well, that’s comforting,” he said with a smile, leaning close to Dean and putting his arm around him. Dean laid his head on Castiel’s shoulder. 

They sat in silence awhile, staring at the graves of John and Mary Winchester and breathing in tandem. In the quiet, Dean felt himself gearing toward a conversation that needed to be had, but he had been too chicken-shit up until that moment.

He took a few solidifying breaths, and then pulled away from Castiel’s shoulder. 

“Uh Cas,” Dean started, and by the sound of the firefighter’s tone, Castiel dropped his arm to Dean’s back, rubbing a few small circles into it. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, and I’ve just, kinda, never gotten around to it.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes slightly, obviously confused as to where the conversation was going. “All right…”

“It’s nothing bad,” Dean said carefully. “Just a little…awkward. Maybe.”

“Awkward?” Castiel laughed. “Dean I’ve seen you eat Jello out of a cup with your nose and tongue, I think we’re well past awkward confessions.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “I _knew_ you were watching me from the nurse’s station that day! I swear it! I told Charlie, but she just thought I was being-“

“The guy with a crush on his superhero doctor?” Castiel finished with a smile.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that guy.”

“Well you were,” Castiel informed him. “Quite often and thoroughly.”

“Okay,” Dean replied, shaking his head. “That’s enough out of you, Bruce Wayne. I’m tryin’ to…you know…do something here.”

Castiel raised his hands up in apology. “I’m sorry, Dean. Please continue your awkward confession.”

Dean let out a loud breath, and then sucked in back in. With his next exhale, he blurted, “I’ve been coming to the cemetery to talk to Inias.”

Whatever Castiel thought Dean was going to say, that certainly wasn’t it. His eyes widened, his jaw dropped slightly. His shock continued into the silence. It was the kind of silence Dean hated, the kind of silence that only ended when someone either started yelling or left. Dean was ready to start apologizing, not sure where Castiel stood on the whole, going behind his back and forming attachments to his dead fiancé’s grave, but he didn’t know where to start.

Thankfully, Castiel broke the silence just a few moments later.

“But…why?” He asked, his tone careful.

“Why did I go or why didn’t I tell you until now?” Dean questioned with an apologetic smile.

“Both,” Castiel replied, again, carefully.

“Well,” Dean answered. “The second one is easier to answer so…I guess I didn’t tell you because I wanted to avoid a moment like this. And then I just kept _not_ telling you. It wasn’t like a big secret or anything. I just…didn’t say anything.”

“Yes, I got that part,” Castiel replied with slight irritation. “I can understand that. But why go at all? What could you possibly gain from it?”

Dean didn’t know how to reply to that. He turned back to his parents graves. He really didn’t want to have this conversation here, in front of them, but he started this thing and it’d be best to just get it over with.

“I wanted to be closer to you,” Dean said quietly. “What you and Inias had…” Dean trailed off. He wasn’t ready to finish that thought. “I know how much you love him, and, I don’t know, I wanted to tell him that I was going to take care of you. I wanted him to know that you were loved and that you’re okay.”

“Dean,” Castiel whispered, his hand going back up to Dean’s shoulder. “That’s…” He paused, waited for the words to come to him. “That’s incredibly sweet.” Dean cringed at the cloying nature of his response, and Castiel noticed. “No, it is. You’re a very thoughtful man, Dean Winchester.” The doctor punctuated his words with a kiss to Dean’s cheek. “But I want you to understand something.”

Castiel pulled away and turned Dean so that they were face to face. “Inias is in my past. I loved him then, yes. But, Dean, I love _you_ now.”

“But if he hadn’t died-“ Dean tried, but Castiel cut him off.

“We can’t live like that,” he said confidently, as if he’d already had this conversation. “Inias died. He died, and I mourned for him. And then I met you. I met you and fell for you, and that’s the story we’re living in.” He paused, pulls Dean’s face into his hands. “That’s the only story I _want_ to live in.”

“But-“ Dean tried again, but this time Castiel stopped him with his lips. He kissed Dean softly, taking his time, and pouring every ounce of love and affection into the slow slide of his lips against Dean’s. When they parted, Dean was left breathless.

“Does that answer your question?” Castiel whispered against his lips. Dean just nodded and leaned back in. 

It may be a little weird to make out while sitting at your parents' graves, but Dean was pretty sure his parents would understand.

***

Dean’s shift at the station had him responding to two car accidents and an overdose down the street. He hadn’t seen a fire in weeks. By the time his shift was over, Dean was ready for a beer and his pillow, but he didn’t want to back out of his promise to himself.

He was going to visit Alex and they were going to talk about normal stuff. The kid was probably desperate for something to do aside from hate herself and everything around her.

When he got to the hospital, Dean took the elevator to Alex’s floor, feeling a little nervous about his plan. He had a deck of cards in one pocket and Exploding Kittens in the other. Teenagers could be tricky. Dean knew he couldn’t just go in there and ask the girl to play a game with him. He’d immediately, and, most likely, viciously, be shut down.

Instead, he’d have to craft a way to get Alex to think it was her idea to play a game. It’d require his best manipulating skills, but Dean was pretty sure he’d get through to her.

When he rounded the nurse’s station outside of Alex’s room, Dean was about to inquire into Alex’s progress, but a very loud and very _familiar_ laugh caught Dean off guard. He turned slowly away from the nurse’s station and stared down the hall toward the open door to Alex’ room. 

A moment later and the laugh happened again, echoing down the hall. It bounced around like it owned the place. Dean’s hands balled into fists.

He stalked down the hallway, through Alex’s doorway, and was immediately dumbfounded by what he saw. 

Alex was sitting up in her bed, an aggravated smile on her lips, and on the table hovering over her bed was the game Sorry. But it wasn’t the smile or even the game that had Dean tripping up. It was the person Alex was playing with.

The man with the most annoying laugh Dean had ever had the misfortune of identifying, turned toward the firefighter and beamed.

“Hola, Dean-O!” Gabriel rose from edge of Alex’s bed and walked over to Dean. “Fancy meeting you here!”

“Gabe? What’re you doing here?” Dean took the offered hand Gabriel held out to him, but kept his face stern.

“I volunteer here on the weekends,” Gabriel replied.

“It’s Monday,” Dean countered.

“I volunteer here on Mondays.” Gabriel grinned.

“You have court ordered community service,” Dean guessed, eyebrows raised.

“No comment,” Gabriel replied with another smile. He turned back to Alex who was watching the exchange with some interest.

“Public indecency,” Alex told Dean. 

“Hey!” Gabriel replied with mock outrage. “I told you that in confidence.”

Alex shrugged. “He isn’t really supposed to be in here because I’m a minor but-“

“But I heard her squawking at an orderly and thought, _How cute_!’” Gabriel finished for her. 

“Shut up,” Alex groaned as her head fell back against the pillow. “It’s your turn.” She looked down at the game and pushed it toward the other side of the table. “Unless you forfeit.”

Gabriel looked at his bare wrist and sighed. “I’m afraid I’ll have to let you win this one, Lassie. I’ve got quite the schedule to keep.”

“Sure you do,” Dean replied with a sigh. He wasn’t cool with how easily Gabe had gotten Alex to hang out with him. 

“I’ll see you later, Miss Alex,” Gabriel told her with a wave. “I’ll be expecting a rematch you know.”

Dean grabbed Gabriel’s arm as he attempted to leave the room, leaning in and whispering, “If there are any bugs in my apartment, I’m giving you two hours to get ‘em out, Gabe. After that, your ass is-“

“Oh please say ‘grass.’” Gabriel interrupted, pretending to pray. “Please say ‘grass!’” Dean glared, but released his hold on Castiel’s older brother. Gabriel smiled widely and patted Dean’s cheek. “Later, babe.”

Dean wanted to growl as the annoying little twerp exited the room, but with Alex watching he held it together. 

“Sorry about that,” Dean said with some caution. “He can be a bit much.”

Alex shrugged. “I liked him.”

When Dean balked, Alex continued. “He didn’t treat me like a kid, and he didn’t try to make everything okay.”

Dean could understand that. Gabriel did have his strengths. 

“I can see why you’d like that,” he conceded, inching towards the end of the hospital bed. He gestured toward the unfinished game. “Do you want to-“

“No,” Alex responded harshly. She looked out the window. 

Right. 

_Teenagers._

Dean could do this.

He cleaned up the game, and then took a seat in the chair by Alex’s hospital bed. He didn’t know what to say or how to say it, but he figured transparency was best.

“I know you feel like shit, but I just want to tell you that I’ve been there. I’ve lost my parents, and I’ve been stuck in a hospital bed for weeks. It sucks.”

Alex glared. “Thanks, Shakespeare.”

Dean gritted his teeth. “What I mean, is that you can talk to me because I get it. I’ve been there and I get it.”

Alex just rolled her eyes. Dean squirmed in his seat. This wasn’t going well. Time for plan B.

He reached into his back pocket, leaned forward in his chair and held up the little red box. “Exploding Kittens?”

Alex looked at Dean, looked at the box, and then back to Dean again.

“Get out.” Her request was dry, but Dean could hear the humor in it, so he smiled. 

They were getting somewhere.


	16. Chapter 16

“So, I’ve got news,” Dean announced to the dinner table, taking in Sam and Eileen’s immediately interested expression. He signed as he talked, knowing Ben would have trouble getting all the words from his lips like Eileen could. “Cas and I have decided to move in together.”

The room erupted into cheers.

Ben flung himself out of his seat and into Dean’s arms, only to pull back to sign, _Does this mean Claire and I will be brother and sister?!_

Dean laughed, _Sorry man, doesn’t really work like that. But you will probably see each other even more now._

“When did this happen?” Sam asked as Ben’s frown settled back into a small smile.

“The other night,” Dean told him as he shoved a fork full of pasta into his mouth. “Jimmy knows a realtor so we’re going to start looking this week.”

“This is wonderful,” Eileen said as she signed for Ben. “You two are so good together.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, man, congratulations. This is big.”

Dean swallowed. He could feel his face growing hot. “I mean, yeah, but we’re good. This is good. It’s all good.”

Eileen and Sam shared a look as they took sips of their drink in unison. Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t do that.”

“What?” Sam asked, trying to act nonchalant but actually looking like a little bitch.

“You know what you’re doing,” Dean said, pointing at his brother with his full fork. “You’re already picking out wedding china or some shit and that just ain’t it. We’re just living together. So cool it.”

“Okay,” Eileen said cautiously. “So where do you think you’ll live?”

Dean was grateful for the moratorium on the relationship talk. He didn’t want to jinx it. He was happy with where they were and where they were going. No need to rush into anything else.

“Somewhere between both of our jobs,” Dean told her. “We’ve already got a couple places on our list.”

“Cool,” Sam said. He motioned towards Ben’s untouched vegetables and urged his son to eat them. “Well, we’re happy for you. This is really awesome, Dean.”

“Thanks,” Dean replied, blushing somewhat. “I, um, there’s actually something else too.” He paused, knowing that if he were dating a girl his brother and sister-in-law would probably think he was about to tell them he knocked his girlfriend up. 

“Cas invited me to go to his parent’s house for Thanksgiving, so I won’t be here this year,” Dean told them. He met his brother’s surprised gaze. “Cool?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied easily. “Actually that makes things a lot easier for us, because we were thinking about heading to Eileen’s parent’s house. With the how hard the pregnancy is already, and the baby’s coming early next year, we figured we’d get in one more trip before we’re covered in diapers and spit up again.”

“Good idea,” Dean said, relieved. “Glad you’ll be rid of me then!”

“Yep,” Eileen replied with a laugh. “I was worried we’d have to strap you to the top of our car.”

Dean glared, and then looked down at Ben. _Your Mom’s not as funny as she thinks she is._

Ben laughed. _She’s only funny when she’s making fun of you._

Dean balked. _Traitor!_

He lunged across the table, leaving his finished meal for Sam to clean up, and grabbed his nephew. He tackled him to the floor and tickled him until the little boy threatened to pee his pants.   
It was a great night with family, and Dean knew how lucky he was to have them. 

He wondered about Alex, and how she’d spend her Thanksgiving. The only family the social worker had found was an estranged aunt with a record. They had tracked the aunt to this area a few times, even recently, but hadn’t been able to find her yet. 

Dean hated the idea of Alex spending the holiday alone. He knew the nurses would make it nice for her, but Alex would probably prefer to sleep through it. Even though she had eventually agreed to play Exploding Kittens with Dean the other day, the girl was still closed tight, filled with rage and sealed with sorrow. 

Dean was going to make it his mission to make sure Alex ended up all right. Even if he had to track down the aunt himself, Dean was going to make sure Alex had a soft place to land. 

She may be a bit of a pill, but she was just a kid. A kid who only needed someone to love her.

***

The first few places their realtor brought them to were okay. Nothing special or particularly exciting about them, but the first round of condos, townhouses, and houses were all decent choices. 

The last house they saw on their second day of looking, however, was absolutely awful.

The living room walls were painted mustard yellow, and there was glitter in the paint. _Glitter_. The flooring was from the early 1990’s when everyone decided light blue made for the best color carpet. It was faded in a number of places, where the light from the large windows shined in. The bay window in the middle had one large crack down the middle and mold growing around it.

The kitchen was obviously designed by someone who never cooked. There was only one suitable counter for preparing meals and it had a hanging microwave above it. The sink was one of those old steel contraptions that had open seals where food and dirt made their home. 

There were three spacious bedrooms in the ranch-style home, but one of them was covered in dog urine. The other two seemed fine, but upon closer inspection, they too smelled of piss, and the smallest of them most definitely housed a range of hanging sex toys. 

Dean glanced in Castiel’s direction when they reached the backyard, an overgrown weed dispensary with what looked liked poison ivy growing along what used to be a small raised garden. The firefighter assumed they would share an equally appalled look of amusement before politely telling Jimmy’s realtor friend that they would have to keep looking, but when Dean locked eyes with Castiel, his stomach dropped.

The doctor wasn’t looking at the dismal backyard like it might swallow them both whole at any moment, as Dean was. Instead, Castiel’s eyes were bright, his lips curling into a ghost of a smile that Dean knew meant bad news for him.

“Cas?” Dean whispered, looking out at nearly rotted fence that trailed the back part of the yard. It was broken in several places. “You can’t be serious.”

“I know,” Castiel replied in quiet voice, eyeing the realtor who rightly stayed inside as Dean and Castiel braved the monstrous terrain. “It’s horrible, but it’s also kind of great, isn’t it?”

“Great?” Dean balked. “Cas, there’s weeds growing out of one of the toilets. Literally.”

“That’s just cosmetic,” Castiel replied quickly. “Think about what’s really here. Three bedrooms, large open floor plan, no stairs, huge windows that let in a lot of natural light, a large backyard-“

“Death trap,” Dean interjected, but Castiel steamed on ahead.

“- for us to transform into a great space,” Castiel said with confidence. “It would take a lot of work, but…” Castiel turned around the faced the house. “I think it could be great.”

Dean stared at his boyfriend for a long moment, waiting for signs of brain damage to make themselves known. When nothing happened, the firefighter turned back toward the house and stalked inside.   
He was determined to find at least one good thing about the hell-hole his boyfriend had fallen in love with.

He moved through the house again slowly, cringing at the odd smells and particularly ugly crown molding that circled the dining room light fixture. Dean purposely looked past the stained carpet and imagined hard wood floors instead. He imagined the large windows clean and useful, and he pretended not to smell the things he definitely smelled.

He closed his eyes as he felt Castiel come behind him, placing his hand on the firefighter’s lower back.

“You hate it,” Castiel guessed, and Dean tried not to nod emphatically.

“You don’t,” Dean replied with a shrug. “You really think we can make something of this place?”

Castiel smiled. “I do. And then it’ll really be ours.”

“Alright then,” Dean sighed. “I guess we found our place. I don’t think we’ll be able to move in right away though. I refuse to sleep here until whatever’s living under the front porch is removed.”

Castiel agreed immediately. “Of course. And we’ll have to do something about these floors too. We’ll likely have to have the floorboards pulled up and replaced.”

The realtor shuffled around nervously behind them. “Am I hearing what I think I’m hearing?” The short lady asked, her arms behind her back as she inched forward. “Would you like to place an offer? The house is owned by the bank, and I know they will be motivated to sell. You’d get a great deal.”

“So it’s for sale?” Dean clarified. “Not rent?”

“Correct,” the realtor replied. “You asked not to know until you’d made your decision.”

“Right,” Dean nodded. He turned to his boyfriend. “Alright, well then. Cas?” He shrugged. “We doin’ this?”

“If you’re sure,” Castiel replied with a smile. “I’d like to. It’ll be like starting from scratch.”

Dean liked the sound of that. If they took this dilapidated house and turned it into something beautiful for them to share, Dean felt sure he could get out from under Inias’ shadow.

He stepped into Castiel’s space and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. With one of his most charming smiles, Dean looked past Castiel and told the realtor,

“We’ll take it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was house hunting about five years ago, I really did walk into a dining room with mustard colored walls with glitter in the paint. The realtor was positive it'd have to be sanded off. It was truly horrendous. 
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I love domestic Destiel :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thank you to [tfw_cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas/pseuds/tfw_cas) for being my beta!

**Dean:** _Guess what_  
**Black Widow:** _Chicken butt?_  
**Dean:** _Cute_  
**Black Widow:** _Platypus butt?_  
**Dean:** _Charlie._  
**Black Widow:** _Am I at least right on the butt part? I feel like there’s a butt involved._  
**Dean:** _Anyway…_  
**Dean:** _If you’re done with your whole stand up routine there_  
**Dean:** _I have news_  
**Black Widow:** _News?!_  
**Black Widow:** _What kind of news?_  
**Black Widow:** _Butt news?_  
**Dean:** _Can we please move on from the butts._  
**Black Widow:** _You’re no fun._  
**Dean:** _Cas and I are moving in together._  
**Black Widow:** _fnewjfnahfalj;lfsajiog_  
**Dean:** _Charlie?_  
**Dean:** _Did you just have a stroke?_  
**Black Widow:** _That was key smashing excitement, Dean! The language of our people!_  
**Dean:** _Our people?_  
**Black Widow:** _Ugh. Nevermind._  
**Black Widow:** _This is sooooooo awesome!!!!!!!!! And it DOES involve butts!! You and Cas, butt to butt every night for the rest of your lives. OMG. DEAN!!!!_  
**Dean:** _Not you too! This isn’t a proposal, Charlie. We’re just moving in together. Cool it._  
**Black Widow:** _Fine. Fine. When’s it happening? What’s the deets?_  
**Dean:** _We found a place already. A real shit-hole but Cas loves it. Wants to fix it up together._  
**Black Widow:** _OMG it gets better. I love it. This is so amazing, Dean. I am soooooo happy for you two!!!_  
**Dean:** _Thanks, Charlie._  
**Dean:** _I can’t lie. I’m pretty excited._  
**Black Widow:** _Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. :)_  
**Dean:** _I knew there was a reason I loved you_  
**Black Widow:** _I’m pretty sure there’s more reasons than that._  
**Dean:** _Maybe._  
**Dean:** _Don’t tell anyone_  
**Black Widow:** _:D_

*** 

Dean met Charlie and Jo for lunch one week before he was to leave with Castiel to head east for Thanksgiving.

Dean was mid-rant about how long it was going to take before their new home became habitable, when Castiel sat down beside him. The girls weren’t used to the doctor joining them for lunch, as he was usually too busy, but the pleasant surprise gave-way to interrogation after just a few seconds.

“Is the house really that bad, Castiel?” Jo asked, just as Charlie blurted, “Dean said you’re going to make it freaking awesome.”

Castiel chuckled softly as he settled in beside Dean, leaning into him for just a moment before digging into his Caesar salad. “That is the plan, yes.” Then, turning his attention to Jo, “And I doubt Dean’s description has truly done it justice.”

“Fair,” Dean conceded, shrugging as he continued to eat his club sandwich. “But, dude, you have to admit, it’s going to be a shit-ton of work.”

“Yes,” Castiel nodded. “But I suspect it’ll be more fun than you think.”

“I don’t know,” Jo commented with a click of her tongue. “Home renovation can really break a couple. Paint colors, wood grains, curtains…” She shook her head sadly. “It’s a pretty big deal.”

“You speak from experience?” Castiel asked.

“Well, I slowly moved into my girlfriend’s place without her realizing. So, I don’t think I’m the best person to ask.”

“It’ll be fine,” Dean inserted, mostly assuring himself. “Cas and I are good. This house thing will be a cinch.” He caught Castiel’s eye and winked. 

Castiel, smiling and nodding in agreement, brought his attention back to the girls. “I appreciate your concern, Joanna, but I think Dean and I will manage just fine.”

“Definitely,” Charlie agreed. “And if you need a third and fourth opinion on paint swatches, you’ve got to call someone else because neither of us know a thing about design.”

Jo nodded emphatically. “It’s true.”

Dean and Castiel laughed. 

“Noted,” the firefighter answered. Then he sobered some and readied himself to share the other bit of news. “I’ll uh, be missing lunch next week. Headed to Cas’ folk’s place for Thanksgiving.”

“Oh reaaaallly,” Charlie replied with an impish grin. “That so?”

“Yep,” Dean answered, not meeting her eye anymore. He stuffed half his sandwich in his mouth. 

“Well that’s fun,” Jo put in, eyes on Castiel. “You got a big family, right?”

“Yes,” Castiel replied. “It’ll be a change for Dean. And hopefully my family won’t be too terrible.”

“Terrible?” Charlie asked.

“My family can be a lot to handle,” Castiel told them. 

“What family isn’t?” Charlie replied with a sad grin. “My parents aren’t exactly winning any awards.”

“Not many do,” Castiel said. 

“My mom would,” Jo put in, and then seemed to regret it immediately. “I mean-“

“You’re right,” Charlie agreed with a smile. She leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Your mom is awesome. I’m glad you have her.”

“You have her now too,” Jo replied softly and then turned her face to capture Charlie’s lips. Dean and Castiel looked away and to each other, each of them wearing a fond smile. 

After a few moments, Dean couldn’t help but cough obnoxiously, forcing the girls to separate. He was surprised to find a blush running across Jo’s cheeks. He smirked at her.

“Oh, shut up,” Jo said, throwing one of her French fries across the table. “I’ve got to go anyway. I’ve got a prelim appointment with that girl you saved.”

“Alex?” Dean asked.

“Yeah,” Jo nodded. “I hear she’s a real ball buster. Any tips?”

“Be yourself,” Dean replied. “You’ll give her a run for her money.” 

“Alright, then,” she answered with a sigh, leaning over to give Charlie another quick kiss. She stood up from the table and picked up her tray. “I’ve got to meet with the guardian first, so I should probably-“

“Guardian?” Dean cut her off just as Jo was stepping away from the table. “They found the Aunt?”

“Apparently.” Jo shrugged. “Heard it was fucking crazy ass hard to find this chick too.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Let me know what she’s like. I’d hate for Alex to end up with some shitty guardian.”

Jo narrowed her eyes, obviously concerned with something Dean had said, but didn’t respond. She just nodded and walked away.

“Dean,” Charlie said softly after Jo was gone. “You aren’t getting too attached, are you? I mean, this girl-“

“Alex,” Dean inserted.

“ _Alex_ ,” Charlie amended. “She isn’t your responsibility. You know that right?”

Dean startled at the question. He looked to Castiel for support, but the doctor just stared back at Dean like he’d like to hear Dean’s answer too.

“Yeah,” Dean replied quickly, feeling guilty and embarrassed for some reason. “It’s just… there’s something about her. I guess I just want to make sure she ends up somewhere good for her. That’s not a bad thing, is it?”

“Of course not,” Castiel told him. “I think Charlie just wants to make sure that you’re not too invested. It’s important to keep some distance here.”

“I know,” Dean replied defensively. “I know that. I do.”

“Okay,” Charlie replied softly. “Just…making sure.” She shared a glance with the doctor sitting beside him, and Dean rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t think I like having lunch all together like this.”

Charlie’s expression brightened. “So tell me more about this house!”

***

Dean told Castiel and Charlie he was headed home when they parted after lunch, but instead he took the stairs up to Alex’s floor. He knew it was stupid to hide his visit from them, but they had a point about keeping some distance between him and the victims he helped. It wasn’t healthy to get attached. Even so, when Dean reached her floor, his bad leg aching at the seven flights he had to climb to get there, he felt like he was doing the right thing.

He just wanted to meet this woman that would be taking Alex home with her. He just wanted to be sure whoever this woman was, that she was capable of dealing with Alex’ issues, and doing it in a way that wouldn’t mess her up even more. 

Dean turned the corner after leaving the stairwell and immediately heard Jo’s voice.

“She’s still too injured for me to start physical therapy,” Jo said to the woman with her back to Dean. “But I’d like to keep up to date on her status.”

“Well, apparently, she’s gone and gotten the thing nearly chopped off,” the woman said with an accent Dean thought sounded familiar. “Poor kid. Barely knows me. I think we met just the once. Her father wasn’t really a fan.”

“I-uh,” Jo replied cautiously. Dean could tell she was uncomfortable with the familiar way the woman was speaking to her. “Well, I’m sure things will work out…you know. Anyway, I just stopped by to-“

“Have you gone in yet?” the woman cut her off. She turned towards Alex’s room and Dean was granted the view of her profile. He was struck with familiarity once again, but couldn’t place her yet. “Is she awake?”

“You haven’t-“

“Seen her? Met her? No,” the woman replied. “I hear she likes to yell. My kind of girl, really.”

Dean started walking again, catching Jo’s eye. “Dean? Did you-“

“I know you,” Dean said as he approached them. The woman turned around to meet his gaze, and her eyes lit up immediately. It was then Dean recognized Alex’s aunt. “Sexy penguin?”

“I believe I told you my name was Bela,” the woman answered with a grin. “But I guess that will do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the reveal about Alex's aunt...  
> Canon? What Canon? :P


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, lovely readers. I've got a lot going on right now. Losing myself in this story is good for me though, so I'll definitely be finishing it...just be patient with me!
> 
> And a special thank you to [tfw_cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas/pseuds/tfw_cas) for being my beta!

Dean followed the sexy penguin, or _Bela_ , into Alex’s room. He wasn’t going to, but Bela looked back at him over her shoulder as she entered and the look she gave him implied her request for help. Dean wasn’t sure how much help he could be, he just started breaking through Alex’s hard shell, but he was curious as to how Bela would interact with her niece.

When he entered the room, the first thing he saw was Alex’s water pitcher being thrown across the room.

“No!” she yelled. “No way am I living with you!”

Bela crossed her arms over her chest and regarded Alex’s tantrum ambivalently. “I’m not singing to the heavens over here either, dear. But we’re stuck with each other. So you either put your big girl panties on, or I decorate your bedroom in Backstreet Boys posters.”

Alex paused, seemingly taking in her aunt’s response, then caught Dean’s failed attempt at hiding his smirk at Bela’s threat. She glared at him. “You think this is funny? Do you have any idea what she’s done?”

“Not really,” Dean answered. “What’d she do?”

“The last time she visited my parents, she stole all of my dead grandma’s jewelry and wiped out my parents’ savings for my college fund,” Alex spit. “She’s a thief and a complete bit-“

“Hey now,” Bela interrupted. “She’s my dead mother too. I had every right to her property. And that money was an emergency situation. It was either your education or my neck, dear.”

Alex rolled her eyes and slumped back into the bed. “Whatever. I’m not living with you.”

“Well it’s either me or a home,” Bela answered casually. She walked closer to the bed but stopped just short of it. She looked back at Dean. “Unless Batman here has another suggestion. What are you doing here, anyway?”

“I was one of the first responders at Alex’s accident. I come to hang out, check up on her sometimes.” Dean walked over to the other side of Alex’s bed. He wanted the girl to know he was on her side, and that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. “What exactly are you planning here?”

“I’m selling my brother’s place. I’ll take that money and find a cute flat somewhere in the south of France. If princess is nice, when the time comes, I’ll make sure she goes to Uni there.”

“France?” Alex replied, stunned. “I don’t want to go to fucking France!”

Bela scoffed. “What are you, some sort of teenage pod person? Every teenage girl wants to go to France.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere with you,” she replied harshly. Alex’s gaze fell to Dean. “Make her leave.”

“Alex…” Dean tried, wanting to tell her that Bela was her best bet, and that living in a group home or going into foster care at fifteen could really mess up her life, but his hesitation just made Alex more angry.

“Fine!” she shouted. “Then you can get the fuck out too!”

Dean flinched, but tried not to show how much the girl’s outburst affected him. She had every reason to be upset. Her parents were dead, her life as she knew it was over, and now this person who she apparently hated has the rest of Alex’s life planned out for her. Dean would be pissed too.

“Okay,” Dean said quietly. “But I’m coming back in a little while. Take some time to really think about this, Alex. I know it sucks, but you’ve got to-“

“I SAID get out!” she yelled again, this time pointing towards the door. “Both of you!” 

Bela just shrugged and turned on her heel to leave. Dean looked down at Alex a moment longer, tried to show her how much he wanted to help her, how much he was on her side, but Alex just closed her eyes and turned away from him. 

Sighing, Dean left the room, closing the door behind him.

“You’ve got to do better than that,” he said roughly once he was facing Bela in the hallway. “I know she’s a pistol, but she’s still just a kid. She needs you to-“

“She needs a bottle of tequila and the first season of the latest teen reality show,” Bela replied calmly. When Dean’s eyebrows threatened the ceiling, Bela rolled her eyes. “Do I look like a bloody therapist? The kid is not getting a parent here.  
She’s getting a reluctant crazy aunt who just wants to put this town and everything in it, in her rear view mirror. The kid is welcome to come. She’s feisty and I have a feeling she’ll do well in a con, but I can’t force her. It’s her choice.”

Dean pretended like he didn’t hear anything about Bela running cons with Alex, and just dropped his head with another sigh.

“Look, kids need stability. Her parents just died. She needs things to stay as normal as they can for a little while. Can’t you just stay in her parents’ house for a few months? Let her go back to school, maybe even finish up the school year? Re-evaluate this whole euro-trip thing next summer?”

“You think she’d want me living in her father’s home? My brother and I did not get on,” she says with a laugh. “If he knew I was sleeping in his bed, down the hall from his daughter, he’d die all over again.”

“Well he doesn’t really get a say does he?” Dean countered. “Just think about it, alright? The south of France isn’t going anywhere. Let the kid adjust to life without her parents in the slowest way possible. It’ll be better for her in the long run.”

Bela didn’t reply right away. Instead, she rolled her eyes and pulled her phone out of her back pocket. She thumbed at it for a few moments, and then she put it in her back pocket. “Fine. The brat has until June.” She looked back at Alex’s door. 

“I’ll let you break the news to her. I need a drink.” She turned and headed towards the elevator.

“You know you’re going to have to act like an actual adult at some point. Right?” Dean asked. “You can’t just go off drinking anytime she pisses you off. You’ve got to put her first.”

“I AM putting her first, Batman,” Bela replied. “That girl doesn’t want me in there, but I saw the way she looked at you. She trusts you. And that’s one of the reasons I’ve agreed to stick around this shit-hole town for a while.” She smirked at him, and then continued walking away. As she reached the elevator, she added, “I’m counting on you to be our mediator.”

Dean watched as Bela got on the elevator, her smirk pulling into a fake grin as the doors closed between them. He didn’t know how he was going to handle this. Being the go between guy between Alex and Bela wasn’t a good idea. It definitely wasn’t ‘keeping a healthy distance.’

Still, Dean didn’t see a way around it. He could call a social worker, but chances are if they cleared _Bela_ to be Alex’s guardian, they’ve already got their hands full.

Letting out another long breath, Dean turned back toward Alex’s door and prepared himself for another battle. Alex didn’t have anyone else to fight for her though, and Dean was glad he was there to do it.

***

When Dean arrived at the station that night, his crew was called out almost immediately. He spent the evening reviving overdose victims and consoling grieving loved ones. His arms were sore by the end of the night. Chest compressions could really take a toll, and when the victim died anyway, his arms seemed to ache even more at the end of the shift.

It was one of those nights where it seemed like he couldn’t save anyone, and anyone who did survive was bound to be right back in his care just a few weeks later. 

It was nights like that, where he didn’t fight any fires and barely saved any lives, that Dean really hated his job. A few weeks ago, Dean would have been too afraid to talk to Castiel about it, but now things were different.

Now, when Dean stumbled into bed at 5am, just as Castiel’s alarm was going off, Dean told his boyfriend about his rough night. He told him how he hated all the paramedic shit he had to do, and that he just wanted to save people from fires. He told Castiel that administering NARCAN felt like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet to the head. He complained about his job as Castiel stroked his hair and listened quietly. And when Dean was done, when his grumbles became too broken up by yawns, Castiel kissed the firefighter’s cheek and sweetly whispered, “I’m sorry, Dean. I hope your next shift goes better.”

And Dean fell asleep content, knowing Castiel would always be on his side.


End file.
